[coLLege kid07]

It seems that I've finally stumbled upon a fact that I've been ignoring for years. While going through all these attempts to gain my sence of self back (journey towards enlightenment, raise my consciousness, ect.) I've noticed that as of now I haven't really changed much. I mean I guess I could say I raised my consiousness, became wiser, and gained more knowledge, but it still "feels" like nothing has changed.

When I realised this I went into thinking why that is. I remembered that two years ago I was going through a very rough time. I believe at the time I was full blown clinically depressed, but I greatly resented it. I didn't want to believe it, and also at the time I was too afraid to tell someone because of what they might think, how'd they react, what they'd think of myself ect. Therefore, I never fully dealt with these feelings.

Instead I tried to store them away, and hope that maybe they'd eventually disapear. However, this was definitely not the case. These feelings affected me in everything part of my life. In sports, in school, in college, "Right Now".

After realising this I'm ready to deal with it. I've raised my consciousness enough to realise that I'm the one responcible for where I'm at now, and that I'm the only one that can get myself out. My optimism is so high that I believe one day I will be able to shout out to the world that I'm the happiest man alive.