My son did miss the step mother once, & I told him I still didn't want him going over there. My brother always sides with his meal ticket, & while I appreciated the male role model, he's not a secure person, & I never felt comfortable with him hanging around my son.
Then 3-4 wks. ago in the middle of a snow storm my son wanted to go over there & talk. Things are really really rough for us right now financially, & I've been stressed to the gills.
I agree to drive us over there despite the weather & the fact that it will take a lot of gas from the car.
Unfortunately this is one of my issues, I know they don't love me, don't even like me, yet somehow I can't 100% accept this, & I always think things will change at some point.
We did talk, & discussed how they always ignore me, never invite me to anything, don't even phone me to see how I'm doing, etc. My son started making suggestions that they would call me for a movie or something, that would be good.
She invited us to a wedding.
My son said he wanted to go there for holiday break. I said fine.
Not once in the 2 wks. did my son call me, & the first night was terrible for me not b/c he was gone so much as b/c I felt all alone & the eviction was looming.
I won't go into all the details about my son & any issues I have with him, he's 15 1/2, & pretty well driving me up the wall
, & my parenting skills have decreased over the last 3-4 years once I moved in with that guy.
Prior to that I was a lot more relaxed & modeling the screaming step mother & my critical father. Trust me, this does NOT make me happy at all.
My son came home last night after they drove him home, & that is a 20-30 minute drive which for them, is a distance. I thought they were going to come in to see the house (remember they had never been), etc., nope, nothing. They just dropped him off & away they went. I was hurt.
Then all of a sudden my son starts telling me that the step mother is still upset by how I treated her & how I stopped her from seeing my son.
I don't hold grudges, I'm no longer that type of person, BUT, I recognize that with some people I just can't go back to that relationship b/c things never change. I had let go of my anger towards her when we visited them 3-4 wks. earlier.
She also tells him she doesn't like talking to me on the phone b/c I'm constantly screaming or she said something similar.
I'm actually not screaming (trust me, I can scream if I want to), but I do get very passionate, & I almost always get hyper when I talk to them b/c there was never any respect in the house as far as everyone listening to one person, so everyone has to fight to get any talk time & even when they do get talk time no one is listening 100%, & interruptions are constantly made.
My son then tells me that she said she feels like I used her for her money, this upsets me again even though I knew she felt this back when I asked her for the money.
At this point I'm very upset, although not as upset as I was last night. I was crying last night, & I rarely cry, but they can bring it out of me
I don't want my son going over there again.
The pain of being ignored constantly, & also knowing they talk about me behind my back, hits my buttons big time.
For 15 years now I've lived with the fact that they don't care about me, they only care about my son. When he was a baby I was jealous of him, now it only hurts occasionally when I hear of all the places they took him, & I don't even get a phone call & when I do talk to her (my father doesn't talk to me), she's off the phone with me in 5 minutes.
She did make an effort slightly the one or two times I spoke to her before the wedding which is why it was such a SHOCK to hear how it was all a charade, & she's very good at that.
I feel for my son, he does want to continue to see them.
I'm torn, trust me, I AM. I don't want to act like an immature baby who's trying to get back at them.
My son said before he even went over there that he would talk to her about contributing to the rent. She said she would think about it, but in the meantime I see that she's willing to spend money on a trip for my son when food & rent is WAY more important than extras.
Yes I'm happy when they buy him clothes, but just like when my son goes over to his father's place, everything is always a party & in the meantime I'm freaking out at home b/c I can't pay the bills.
I want my son to have fun, this isn't about my lack of a social life, I feel it has more to do with how I was ignored not just by my parents, but by kids in school too, so one way to really trigger me is to ignore me which we all know is passive aggression big time.
It probably triggers the favouring my 1/2 brother got, & of course that they take my son all over the place, & I wasn't called for that movie, etc.
Then there is the other side of me that says that no parent is going to let their kid go over to someone's house if they don't approve, or it's someone who is treating me like garbage & while they aren't critisizing me, it's as if I don't exist.
I can't control my son, that's a given, but I need to respect myself & my boundaries, & this is just too much for me to take knowing she & my brother & probably even my father turn my son against me, & then he comes home agreeing with them & it's the old "let's gang up on her" feeling.
When I hear my son sticking up for her, I lose it. I had no idea they were even going to be discussing what happened b/c I thought it was a moot point.
I've written a somewhat nasty e-mail to her which I haven't done in absolute ions.
I did apologize for how I spoke to her a year ago, but I can't & won't take responsibility for how they have treated me for the last 39 years.
I would be more than happy to never hear from them again, their negative energy is very suffocating to me, I always feel like I'm taking steps backwards when I am around them, & my brother's arrogance causes fights all the time.
If my son wasn't in the picture, I would just opt out.
Normally I would never hang around people like this, & I don't believe blood is thicker than water, so I believe if family is unhealthy for you, you shouldn't be around them. This guilt about family is & how we have to be with them b/c they are family doesn't wash with me.
I have tried many many times to bond with them, so this isn't a lack of trying on my part. If I even saw one glimmer of desire for them to get to know me a as a human being, I'd put a ton more effort into the relationship, b/c I'm a very loyal person who believes in working on relationships.
Really sorry for the long post. Did I set a record??? LOL
Any suggestions?
Thanks
Michelle