Ok, enough with all the partner questions I see in this forum LOL
Onto a serious topic here about parents & parenting.
I really want to make this short, but I do talk a lot, & it won't take me 5 minutes b/c the story is long, but I will try. (oops, it's too long, I have to cut it in 2. Seeee, I warned ya
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My mother passed over when I was 1 year old, & my father married another woman when I was 3.
Her first child (son) came was I was 6, but even prior to his birth I was already being ignored, had been sexually assaulted by a kid down the block, then by cousins, etc.
After he was born it became even worse, & of course I had feelings of jealousy b/c he was dotted upon.
He had ADHD which made things worse b/c he was never punished.
I was punished all the time, emotionally abused from both parents, physically abused by my father, then later on by the step mother.
She later on went on to have 2 girls, & I came this close to going over to the dark side when I was 14 yrs. old.
It was a religious home (no kidding), & I knew by the age of 12 I would NEVER be religious.
This of course caused problems, as it made me an outcast.
Fast forward to getting kicked out, going thru a lot of ♥♥♥♥♥, not talking to them for years & when I did, it was only occasionally.
My father was still verbally abusive until he had his stroke 12 years ago. I think I finally no longer get triggered when he makes nasty comments, but it's been a while.
I worked in the adult entertainment biz which also didn't bode well with them (the step mother more than my father).
In 1992 I had a son, & because of my biz, I was very busy.
I sent my son to their house for weekends from the time he was a baby.
I once heard the step mother say "but he's Sheldon's grandchild" - Sheldon is my father. She was talking on the phone saying she would have to bond w/ the grandkid b/c he was my father's blood.
Internally I was torn over sending my son over there. I knew that the dysfunction would rub off on him, maybe not as much as it had on me (skipping generations heals them a bit of course), but I knew there would be problems.
Despite my concerns, I still sent him over there on weekends.
A few months after he was born, I started on my conscious spiritual journey.
It's been an educational journey that will NEVER stop, & I love it.
I had gone to one alternative therapy course that saved my life, then I did pretty much the rest on my own.
I did forgive them at one point after the course, but then b/c I was broke, I was forced to move in with them around 7-8 years ago. I thought I was healthy enough & secure within myself to handle it.
LOL, boy was I wrong.
Within the first week she was asking me if I found a place to move out to. FIRST WEEK.
The realization that they didn't want me there killed my spirit & after a few weeks I started to slip into a depression.
I swore I wouldn't be in the way, help around the house, work my biz b/c certainly I didn't want to be there either, but despite me doing all these things to not cause any friction (my brother still lived there of course), it didn't matter, she kept asking me periodically when I was moving out.
The depression set in & went on for about 2 1/2 years.
I also had had to give my son to them 3 months prior, & by the time I arrived, my son had forged a relationship with her so now he wouldn't listen to me.
When I realized she was trying to stop me from being his mother, I called social services & they intervened.
Me & my son did eventually bond again, but it was hard, & we lived there for 3 years.
Just as I was getting out of my depression, working out, doing better with my biz, etc., one day in the dead of winter she woke me up out of my sleep saying she called the police. She kicked me out on the streets with nowhere to go.
Of course she wanted my son to stay & I said no way.
We went into the shelter system & were there for around 9 months until I moved in with a guy I wasn't compatible with, but it was better than the shelter.
I eventually forgave her & started allowing my son to go over there again.
Eventually me & the guy broke up, & I needed some money to move. The Universe was with me on this & she agreed to give me some money which was TOTALLY unheard of b/c she never gave me anything my entire life. I knew she was doing it only for my son.
She went back on her word & gave me less then she said she would, but I dealt with it b/c I was grateful.
About 4 wks. after I got the money, & had moved, she asked me for a loan. I was in total shock by this request.
It wasn't a normal request obviously.
Normally I'm a very strong person & have learned how to say "no" a long time ago, but the guilt of her just giving me the money set in, & I felt like I had no choice.
My son's father (pretty much a dead beat dad & not just re: the money) was once again late with the child support & it was just before Christmas.
I started freaking out & called the step mother & asked her if she could call the father. I can't deal with him, it's like talking to a dead stone.
Like always, she refused. I asked her to give me the amount from the money I gave her, she refused.
I will admit I didn't ask in the nicest way & I realize now my fear around losing the money & having no place to live had set in, but of course, had she been a mother who knows her child & loves that child, she would have tried to calm me down. That of course never happens. Shelters aren't a fun place to be.
Her & I got into a fight. She eventually did give me the money, but in the meantime I had had enough with how she treated me expecting me to give her the money, her tone when we had the words, & I said my son couldn't go over there anymore.
Because no one in my family likes me let alone loves me, not one person called me.
They called my son, e-mailed him, but he refused to talk to them, so they eventually gave up.
I didn't want him to stop talking on the phone b/c I couldn't do that to him, but he had also been showing signs of their behaviour that was triggering me BIG TIME, & didn't know how to handle it other than pulling him out of there.
They never once called the house line (they called his cell), b/c they clearly didn't want to talk to me, so for an entire year there was no communication.
I even moved again & they had no clue.
to be continued...