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Originally Posted by uberinquisitive  mlc82 - have you explained this to your gf?
I feel I would be really responsive if my bf tells me his issues the following way:
"I know that I can be really brusque. I know, it's kind of ********* behavior, because you would only act that way if you were having an ********* day. I swear, I never meant to be an ********* to you.
You may not believe me...but I get like this because I can't multi-task. When I have to do not-so-fun stuff, like cleaning, I get really preoccupied with getting it done and over with. I'm not like you - you can do a lot of different things at once and it won't affect your mood. I'm like the opposite. I've always been this way.
It has nothing to do with how I feel about you. When I'm done with the chore, I have mental space to think about how wonderful you are. Even when I am overwhelmed with chores, I still think you're wonderful.
So, if you could help me out by keeping that in mind during those days. And realize that it's just me trying to deal with things the best I can. And I'll be happy to spend time with you shortly."
For me, I am infinitely understanding when I feel like the other person understands where I'm coming from. Have you asked her how she feels when you pull away? Acknowledge her feelings, and that you can at least see where she's coming from. |
Why is there this constant need for affirming each other? This is not love! It's control!
Damn where is the fun when one has to be constantly occupied affirming and putting the other up? I can understand that someone likes his/her partner to be there when they feel insecure. But having to explain wanting some free time to clean is just beyond my comprehension!
Fix your selfworth and selfesteem before going into a romantic relationship, or you'll end up controlling the other instead of loving.....