[ScottJMurray]

I'm sort of dealing with the same stuff. I just moved back to Eugene where I went to college about 2 years ago. Everything has changed. While I had a rich social life in the dorms, now everyone is scattered around the city with new interests, new circles of friends, and I'm faced with the somewhat daunting task of getting back into the social circle here. I felt very alone and isolated and frustrated earlier today, so I went for a run that was twice as long as I normally do (8 miles, whew!).

Basically, I want to feel accepted and like I have someone I can talk to when I need to. What I'm learning right now is how to be myself in front of other people, which tends to attract a lot of good relationships for me. Right now I feel better because I called up a bunch of old friends and went out to their place to hang out. I talked about how I felt isolated with them, and they were very supportive (I love Eugene people so so much). Just being honest about how I felt drew more support than I thought I could get.

This isn't to say I didn't feel uncomfortable and afraid of what everyone would think of me. I did, actually. What I'm starting to realize is that all of this is only going on inside my own head, and it clouds my vision from what's actually happening. All those negative emotions taint the actual experience I'm having with these people. Once I started to loosen up and let go of those reactions, I was able to socialize more smoothly and finally have the courage to open up.

I feel soooo much better at having talked about that with them. Oh my god, it's like a thousand pound weight dropped off my back.

My advice? Find someone and start talking to them about how you feel. People aren't as mean as we sometimes think they will be. Just start somewhere. I remember that the Dahli Lama said he used to talk to the guy who swept the floors at night about his problems. Accept what you're feeling, and put yourself out there just as you are. You can't be anyone but you.