The things you've listed are things you'd like to get and have: tidy environment, close loving relationship, abundant leisure time.
In my experience, the best place to start is not getting and having; it's being. What would you be being if you had a tidy environment, close loving relationship, and abundant leisure time? As Tim Brownson was saying (my interpretation, anyway -- sorry if I'm misspeaking, Tim!), why not look underneath what you want to have, and see what you want to Be (the "big stuff").
For example, out of "having a tidy environment" inspired action isn't arising, is it? You are not inspired to act in the face of that value, just to bemoan, right? Maybe to wish it wasn't so, or to wish you had a cleaning person or professional organizer. Wishing isn't inspired action, though. You'll know you've distinguished a way of being that will make a difference when inspired action arises for you. What have you been being? Lazy, for one thing. You identify with being lazy -- you think that's who you are. But all it is is something you've been wearing. What brand new way of being would inspire you? (For me, it's being Free: being a Freer of Flow -- I'm far more inspired to free up flow in my environment, to free up pathways for energy to flow, to freely generate connection and movement, than I am to "clean my apartment" - yuck. It might accomplish the same thing, but it's an entirely different action, born out of the inspiration of a deeper desire.) What would inspire you? What are you willing to let go of that you've been holding onto?
As for the leisure thing, the desires you listed -- reading, meditating, having a bath -- those all fall under the category of taking care of yourself. For you to have to "steal" time to take care of yourself means that you are putting the well-being of others above your own well-being. You are not only robbing yourself, you are also infringing upon on the responsibility of others -- it's their responsibility to take care of themselves, not yours. Even if you have small children, it is essential to them that you maintain your well-being. Be a stronger, more effective caretaker, and be an inspiring role model as well -- make your own well-being a priority.
And welcome to the forums!
Lots of love,
Angela
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