[Allison James]

Hi, i'm new to the forom. Somehow I've found myself here. Spiritualy speaking - i've a catholic background but all thats changed. On my personal spritual path I'm a begainer. I've been depressed for a number of years, I've never dreamed before. Everyday i find myself so tired of everything that i think in my mind i don't want to play anymore. Now finally on medication and i think im going crazy. I read alot and this might have some bearance. This period of depression was really bad and before i was holding on to strings of hope. This time i have nothing. I have no hope for tomorrow, everything would hurt so much physically, emotionally, mentally. just thinking would hurt. So i occupied myself with reading everything the bible, poems analzying movies, finally Dark materials by Pullman.
I found myself dreaming of snakes biting me; being in a garden in seach of a beautiful flower and the snakes
all around me.
Dreaming of a painting of mt. rushmore and the forest but then one tree is singled out - so i guess the meaning is im part of a whole and want to see the whole picture but cant...
i dreamt of something like a long journey with no specifics ending in something so beatiful - whole light. it ws fleeting and then gone
i started seaching the web on animal spirit guides, in the past people told me mine was a bird (1/4 cherokee any relevance?);
Finally got to spirit guides and found a technice to speak with them.
My mom is highly intuitive she knowns things, has "visons". so i thought i could try.
I did the cleasing as best i could never done one before, did the white room technice never done one of those before. I got confusing answers and pretty sure i didn't do it right. i asked them to be known to me and felt a clicking in my head or mouth. i started out asking how many there were in yes or no answers. one there was the click.i read most people have 5-7. the clickes kept going 10 maybe 15. i asked if there were others with them that wasn't my personal guides they said yes. i said i was only speaking of/to my personal guides - how many of my guide were there still the same answer.
ok i just have it wrong i asked if it was my imagination all this it /they clicked again.
i asked for ids only from my guides and got more than seven sensations. i asked if i was just not ready to know and they said yes. i told them i needed understanding because i don't think i'm gonna make it much longer they said yes. i asked if they were helping me through my dreams and the anwer is yes. I still feel like i lost every thing in me. I have nothing left to give, traces of feelings of love - hurt actually overwhelms me and hurts so much. I just don't understand any of this. Maybe its the medication. If you could help me understand better or tell me how communicatie with my guides better; tell me i'm not crazy thanks. Allison