hi there and thanks for your response, in one way I understand what your saying about I am in complete control of your life and what happens to me but in another I don't. I feel people always judge me on appearances and I get negative reactions from people even though I honestl feel I am a nice person. I am kind to people and dont get any pleasure from seeing other people in pain. I feel people are not that generous to me though. Im not afraid to say I feel I am a pretty girl and I find I get a lot of attention that I dont want. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad but overall it doesn't make any difference to me as I just want to blend into the background. I hate standing out all the time but I do. I feel I am bad company because I am quite serious at the moment and I don't seem to be able to take things lightly really, I am fine in a group but on a one to one I don't really have all that much to say, I feel my spirit is bruised and that happy go lucky girl I used to be is all but forgotten
I am desperately trying to be happy but feel so pushed around and at the mercy of other people that just as I get back on my feet I am knocked back down again. Life has been such a struggle for me and I really need a change.