Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - apologizing sincerely is tougher than I thought

Amatrine · 12-31-2007, 04:28 PM

My husband and I are extreme opposites. I am very outgoing, and he is very introverted . In fact we both took the personality test, and he was 95 percent introverted. He is ver quiet and closed. We had some marital problems when I discovered a wierd fettish of his on accident, and it shook my world.

In the end, I asked him to come see my physcologist. It was very informing.
I really understood how when I thought he was being insensative, for example when Im ill, he disapears. It turns out he feels helpess to help, and does not understand what I am feeling, so thinks he was doing the best by staying out of the way. He admited to being selfish about other things and not considering my feelings as well, and is now working on it. I also learned some of why he closes off, and a lot of it is fear.

Mabey instead of apologizing, talk to him and just let him know how the actions make you feel. You should not apologize for what you feel.
You may be surprised that he did not even consider how something made you feel. Also let him know what you said in the letter, that you do appreciate what he did for you, and that you are not attacking him, but just want to make communication stronger. This is what we do now, and really helps. We take one hour out of the week, to just talk to each other, let feelings be known about something that may have bothered us during the week. Things we may have not realized
that hurt the other peson, and discuss it, and it helps us both to learn more about each other.

Nothing wrong with being opposites. In fact we are each others strengh in areas we lack. He keeps me more down to earth, and I help him open himself to new possibilities.

12-31-2007, 04:28 PM	#5 (permalink)
Amatrine Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 61	Re My husband and I are extreme opposites. I am very outgoing, and he is very introverted . In fact we both took the personality test, and he was 95 percent introverted. He is ver quiet and closed. We had some marital problems when I discovered a wierd fettish of his on accident, and it shook my world. In the end, I asked him to come see my physcologist. It was very informing. I really understood how when I thought he was being insensative, for example when Im ill, he disapears. It turns out he feels helpess to help, and does not understand what I am feeling, so thinks he was doing the best by staying out of the way. He admited to being selfish about other things and not considering my feelings as well, and is now working on it. I also learned some of why he closes off, and a lot of it is fear. Mabey instead of apologizing, talk to him and just let him know how the actions make you feel. You should not apologize for what you feel. You may be surprised that he did not even consider how something made you feel. Also let him know what you said in the letter, that you do appreciate what he did for you, and that you are not attacking him, but just want to make communication stronger. This is what we do now, and really helps. We take one hour out of the week, to just talk to each other, let feelings be known about something that may have bothered us during the week. Things we may have not realized that hurt the other peson, and discuss it, and it helps us both to learn more about each other. Nothing wrong with being opposites. In fact we are each others strengh in areas we lack. He keeps me more down to earth, and I help him open himself to new possibilities.