Uberinquistive, I think the problem might be simply that you and your bf are different types of people.
What I mean by this is that I get the feeling that you are a feelings sort of person who is very sensitive, while your boyfriend isn't and thus has difficulty relating to you and understanding your need for reassurance and emotional support.
It sounds like he is the sort of person who has trouble "stepping into the other person's shoes", which means he feels bewildered and threatened when you get upset and have an emotional outburst. You, on the other hand, take things too seriously, misconstruing his remarks and actions to make out like it's personal when it's not.
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He is an a$$ for not being understanding of my situation. I even told him that the 1 yr anniversary of my fiancé's death is coming up. And I'm in a lot of pain over it. And the bf doesn't even consider it! And when I try to bring it up, he won't listen to me.
HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME!!!!! He only wants me around when I'm cheerful. When I'm sad (I'm only human, after all, with a lot of trauma in the past), he gets so angry at me. Why won't he listen to me, and hear that it's MY pain. It has nothing to do with him!
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See, I think it's not so much that he doesn't listen to you as he doesn't hear you because he can't understand what you're trying to say.
I don't think he is being insensitive or cold-hearted in not considering your pain - I think he's just not the sort of person who considers that sort of thing.
Anyway, I apologize if I come across as a little flippant and you have every right to resent my armchair 'analysis' of you and your situation, but I've been reading a lot about MBTI Personality types recently, and you know what they say about when you learn a new word...