[sonicpunk32]

i dont get this society. people dont like to share themselves with others cause they do not trust each other. not even those whom they would consider their closest friends. there's no intimacy. nobody shares sadness, nobody cares. they just put up a false front to everybody else and pretend everything is ok when it's not.

what is with them? why cant they just open up and share, and be intimate, and trust. i cant live in such a superficial world, there has got to be some people i can be intimate with. i cant take it anymore. it's not right. how the hell is it socially rude to express your sadness? does nobody care? I used to think that it was mature to not share your feelings, to be tough, to keep people at a distance (cause somehow it's stupid to trust people as no one can be trusted). Now i just find this stupid and immature.

the friends i have now, they dont talk about their feelings, they dont talk about their goals, they dont talk about their deeper thoughts. they just talk about superficial things. why is having an intimate friendship so wrong? why do they have this firm believe that love doesnt exist and that they cant trust anyone and that people are evil? am i the foolish one? am i foolish for believing in an intimate friendship with someone cause i just so happen to believe in love and sharing, huh? am i?! am i creating this cause i somehow dont care about myself? am i with the wrong people? i hate this superficial world? hate it. I've tried for a while to accept them as they are, but after a while the lack of intimacy just kept pinching at me no matter who i made friends with, now it irritates me. i want intimacy dammit, i want love. over and over again, i watch them as they lie to each other, hurt each other, join together and laugh at others misfortune, all while sharing this belief that love is stupid and sharing your personal thoughts makes you weak (a belief that gets validated *every* *SINGLE* time they hurt each other). i do this to myself all the time with them, i mean i know they have these fear based beliefs, yet i still yern for them to open up and share in love, and they never do it. i get disappointed each and everytime. what is wrong with me?

i dont want to hate people, but i find this way of being superficial, that society has, to be irritating and maybe just wrong. if i analyze myself, i guess this wouldnt bother me if i already had some friends whom are intimate with me about themselves, but i dont. now i know a predictable answer i might get for my problem would be "oh you're not being intimate with yourself, that is why you attract people who arent intimate with you" but jeez, i just dont get it, i thought i *was* intimate with myself and loved myself. gah.