Quote:
Originally Posted by MyBrainHurts  This is what some wise person told me the other day on this very forum 
None of us are perfect and we all have our issues, I think you have made the first step in solving your problem, talking about it!..
I can go on and on and even tell you my life story but I'm not sure it would be appropriate in this forum. All I can say is that it took me many years to realize what I had done to myself by building cages and isolating myself from others.
When you meet a sweet and loving and caring guy who loves you for who you are and just wants to please you. Your thoughts of this other guy will fade away because he will become your world and there wont be a need to think about the past.
But the key I think is the way you go about doing it, if you dont want to find a dirt bag you have to be patient, and learn about each guy you meet.. Date them for a while and get to know them past and present.
Right now you can say I isolated myself from everything else by moving away and getting a fresh start, Perhaps this is true but you know what, I've isolated my self into a happy moment. And because im happy I have began to fix things with myself that I could not fix when I was unhappy and depressed.
Perhaps all I ever wanted to be happy was to live the american dream, something I was denied as a child. And now im a single bachelor that has my own place, a decent job and an opportunity to make my life better.
I can be a little over talkative at times, I hope this is relevant. |
Hey man, I'm sorry I keep contradicting you, but I think Rio should definitely listen to Rose's advice on this and not yours.
This problem isn't about guys, it doesn't matter that the guy was scum, nor does it matter what kind of man happens to waltz into her life in the future. You're giving her dating advice and telling her to be patient as if her happiness and wellbeing should rely on romantic relationships, which is absolutely not true.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by RioroseIsAStar8507 i have isolated myself once before. where i just left i was isolated. i just had him. then he met this girl offline so she can be a third and have threesomes and stuff. and he suddenly had her move on in. i was even more isolated and felt alone. the girl tried to be my friend but i was so sad and disappointed...i just want to work things out with my grandparents and just stay here. and i dont want to go back to dancing again, so im going to have to stay here. cause i have no credit, and no job. only other place i can go is back to him and that place...
i just want to stop thinking about all the bad days me and that man had together, all the mean names he called me like a bitch and raggedy and im mental everytime i tried to speak up. altho i tried to love him i couldn't fully cause i always felt in my heart he was hiding or lying. i just want to move on and make sure i dont talk to him again. im going to change my number in the morning. i dont care if he destroys my things at that house. i dont have much there anyway and they are just things, i can always get more things. but i just want to move on, stop the hurt, and just forgive...
i was thinkin about whats making me stop from forgiving. there are so many reasons. how do i stop my mind from wandering on all the past negatives when i need to stop and just forgive and think in the present... |
What exactly do you think your mind is? Is it something that goes off on its own and independently thinks thoughts without your consent?
You talk about it like it works by itself. Is it like your heart, or is it like your legs? You wouldn't say "I beat my heart," you would say "My heart beats itself." You wouldn't say "my legs walk themselves," you would say "I walk."
What about your mind? Your mind isn't a thing, it's not something you possess. Your mind IS you. Don't say that your mind keeps thinking those negative thoughts, because it's you that thinks them. We can't control your mind, we don't have power over you, you are the only one that does.
Your unhappiness is nobody's fault but your own. You have to understand something: that man, the one that lied to you, insulted you, and treated you like crap; he isn't what is making you unhappy. His actions can't possibly
make you unhappy. Does he control your mind and your feelings? Just like us, he has no power over your thoughts, the one in the driver seat of your mind is YOU.
YOU are unhappy. It's the way you respond to that man's actions, the way you interpret them and think about them, that is what's making you unhappy, not him. The only thing standing in the way of your happiness is you. Your ego.
So how do you get past it? Well, what's stopping you from getting past it? Let's look at the situation:
a) You are your mind, you are the one in control of your feelings and thoughts.
b) You aren't happy.
c) You want to be happy.
I don't see the problem. Really, what's in the way of your happiness? Is it that man? His insults? His lies? His feelings for other women and lack of love for you? Well, let me ask you something... What in the world does some other guy spouting petty insults and having relationships with other women have to do with YOUR happiness? Absolutely nothing.
Suffering is caused by unfulfilled desires. If you got rid of, or fulfilled those desires, you would be happy, peaceful minded and content. So I have one more series of questions for you: What do you want? What would it take for you to be content? What desires do you have that are unfulfilled, particularly relating to your troubles with this guy?
Surely it can't be just that you want to be happy, because that makes no sense. If you just wanted to be happy, then the only reason for your unhappiness would be your desire to be happy. Wanting happiness implies that you lack it, and happiness isn't a physical thing you can attain or find in the world, its a state of mind you initiate yourself.