Originally Posted by bsitto
Yes my silly dream is a family. This is the only thing on this earth that can make me the happiest I can ever feel. So how am I supposed face the fact that what I want won't be fully complete??? ... I don't see myself getting married to someone unless I feel for them at that level so that single-handedly crushes my dream. Until now I haven't been able to find anyone who can give me a strong enough arguement.
Hey, bsitto. Before you can achieve your dream, you're going to have to get a divorce, because you're already married -- to an outcome!
It's not that you want a family. It's that you have a family, that you be in love in exactly the same way or more intensely than the feeling you have for this particular unavailable fellow (chances are if you DID find that feeling, it would be with yet another unavailable fellow), the sound of his voice must be food for your heart, and it won't really feel like love to you unless there is some pain or yearning involved.
If you are experiencing a lack of power or effectiveness in your life, the best thing to do (after taking 100% responsibility, of course!) is to look at what you can give up
. It sounds counterintuitive, I know, but the more you're holding onto, the harder it is to accept what you want.
My guess is that you're holding onto your painful attachment to the married guy because you are very frightened of what it takes to create a real LLTMBR -- taking 100% responsibility, letting go of what there is to let go of, and being (generating) the qualities and conditions that you desire in life, regardless of any other person's thoughts or actions.
There's no room in your life for a loving, long-term mutually beneficial relationship (LLTMBR) until you surrender your marriage to a specific outcome.
I hope you *get* that for christmas!