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Rose of Cairo · 12-23-2007, 11:29 AM

MyBrainHurts (funny nickname, why does your brain hurt?),

You're analyzing yourself and people around you quite a lot. So you diagnosed this guy with a major lack of wisdom, with superficiality, with saying useless and uninteresting things, and some other illnesses. You also diagnosed very extroverted people with being judgemental and shallow.

He for his part diagnosed you with a major lack of social skills. Because of that, and probably based on some social fears of his, he doesn't want to spend time socializing with you and other people at the same time. So far so good.

Now you have to realize that your diagnosis, which you call analysis, and his diagnosis, which you call judgemental harassing, is the same thing. You're obsessed with wanting to be right and telling him how wrong he is, that's harassing him just as judgementally as he does harass you.

I wonder why you want to be right so badly. You seem to think that there is a right and a wrong. I don't agree. You think people who think that smoking is cool have a major lack of wisdom, because you've thought about that a lot. Fine. Well now imagine I think that eating meat is having a major lack of wisdom, because I've thought about that a lot, and you didn't. You don't agree? Oh, now we're having a problem. Who's right?

What you think about him is not the truth. It's nothing more than your opinion based on your values. What he thinks about you is not the truth either. It's nothing more than his opinion based on his values. There is nothing to be hurt or to fight about.

I understand that you feel unjustly treated. You're making a lot of efforts to socialize, and all you get is being told how bad you are. That's very frustrating. Maybe you just want him to aknowledge your efforts, or to be kind to you, or to like you? I don't know. But why is it such a problem for you that some guy (that you find has so many bad attributes anyway) doesn't honor you?

I'm going to be very direct: I think that you have a major lack of social skills indeed. From what I've read so far, you really seem to have a problem in that area. However, the reason is not your introversion. I'm a strongly introverted person, but I don't lack social skills. (Or I lack them so much that I don't even notice it

)

I don't know what the reason is in your case. Unfortunately, I can't even explain what the problem exactly is. It's just that you say things that are kind of inappropriate, or behave in a way that is strange. That's nothing to freak out about, it's just... unusual. I hope you're not offended now, I'm really trying to help you, and you seem to want some feedback.

I guess this is an important problem for you. You wrote that you want to understand it better and improve yourself, I find that very courageous. Maybe we can help you here

I didn't find it anymore, but if I remember correctly, you said that you have some problems with guessing what someone feels when you look at their face, is that correct? That gave me an idea: maybe you have a high AQ? (Autism Quotient) That wouldn't mean that you're an autist, my AQ is 45 (that's very high), and I'm not an autist. But it would explain a lot of your problems with socializing. So since you have a very rational approach on all questions, maybe you could start with checking your AQ?

12-23-2007, 11:29 AM	#27 (permalink)
Rose of Cairo Family Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: France -> Germany -> France -> Brazil Posts: 3,430	MyBrainHurts (funny nickname, why does your brain hurt?), You're analyzing yourself and people around you quite a lot. So you diagnosed this guy with a major lack of wisdom, with superficiality, with saying useless and uninteresting things, and some other illnesses. You also diagnosed very extroverted people with being judgemental and shallow. He for his part diagnosed you with a major lack of social skills. Because of that, and probably based on some social fears of his, he doesn't want to spend time socializing with you and other people at the same time. So far so good. Now you have to realize that your diagnosis, which you call analysis, and his diagnosis, which you call judgemental harassing, is the same thing. You're obsessed with wanting to be right and telling him how wrong he is, that's harassing him just as judgementally as he does harass you. I wonder why you want to be right so badly. You seem to think that there is a right and a wrong. I don't agree. You think people who think that smoking is cool have a major lack of wisdom, because you've thought about that a lot. Fine. Well now imagine I think that eating meat is having a major lack of wisdom, because I've thought about that a lot, and you didn't. You don't agree? Oh, now we're having a problem. Who's right? What you think about him is not the truth. It's nothing more than your opinion based on your values. What he thinks about you is not the truth either. It's nothing more than his opinion based on his values. There is nothing to be hurt or to fight about. I understand that you feel unjustly treated. You're making a lot of efforts to socialize, and all you get is being told how bad you are. That's very frustrating. Maybe you just want him to aknowledge your efforts, or to be kind to you, or to like you? I don't know. But why is it such a problem for you that some guy (that you find has so many bad attributes anyway) doesn't honor you? I'm going to be very direct: I think that you have a major lack of social skills indeed. From what I've read so far, you really seem to have a problem in that area. However, the reason is not your introversion. I'm a strongly introverted person, but I don't lack social skills. (Or I lack them so much that I don't even notice it ) I don't know what the reason is in your case. Unfortunately, I can't even explain what the problem exactly is. It's just that you say things that are kind of inappropriate, or behave in a way that is strange. That's nothing to freak out about, it's just... unusual. I hope you're not offended now, I'm really trying to help you, and you seem to want some feedback. I guess this is an important problem for you. You wrote that you want to understand it better and improve yourself, I find that very courageous. Maybe we can help you here I didn't find it anymore, but if I remember correctly, you said that you have some problems with guessing what someone feels when you look at their face, is that correct? That gave me an idea: maybe you have a high AQ? (Autism Quotient) That wouldn't mean that you're an autist, my AQ is 45 (that's very high), and I'm not an autist. But it would explain a lot of your problems with socializing. So since you have a very rational approach on all questions, maybe you could start with checking your AQ?