I think the level of attachment you feel to another is equal to the disconnect you have to being at peace with yourself while alone. Many people find a new flame and hope and expect all the other conficts or problems they had while alone will be taken care of by the other person. That's how it feels, you've "found it", whatever that "it" is.
So, you want to hold on at all costs. The solution to your life's problems is in your life now, of course you don't want to let it go. And thinking there's a possiblity you could lose it, will make you hold on even tighter. Eventually you are holding on so tight to such a "good thing" that you suffocate it and you end up either alone or in a completely different relationship that has none of the fun, carefree elements it had in the beginning.
And when and if the relationship ends, you're back to where you were before, the disconnect you feel with your own self, mixed in with feeling that you "lost" the answer to all your problems.
This is what I've learned at least. The best kind of love is when you are with someone who is good FOR you, and many of these things truly take care of themselves. If you're constantly thinking of how to make a relationship "work", it's not working naturally. Sure you have to work AT IT-- but you can do so in a healthy way.
When you are at peace with yourself, and enjoy your own company, you aren't attached to MANY things, including a partner. You're already securely attached to yourself. So a partner becomes a fun thing to enjoy that enhances what you already HAVE in YOURSELF, instead of becoming an ESCAPE from yourself.  |