[yossarian]

Originally Posted by Spiritual

I don't know Ned Flanders, but I think I can understand your true personality. There is a difference between being warm, fun, optimistic and downright hyper. People mostly enjoy to hang out with people who have similar worldviews. And since most people are quite stuck in "reality" they are annoyed by folks running around "LIFE IS JUST AWESOMMEEE", when they are just stuck in the same **** every day.

Yeah I agree. I just don't buy into people's ideas that their life is so awful. Someone can tell me "I'm so stressed my job sucks and my kids are a burden and I don't have all the stuff I want," and my natural response is, "Get a grip! Think of the Etheiopians who are starving to death, your life is fine and you are completely safe and untouchable. Relax and enjoy yourself."

People don't appreciate that reaction, so I repress myself. This leads people to think I'm shy.

So does this mean you can't be happy, alive and enthusiastic? No ofcourse not, but first of all you have to hang out with the right people. People who are optimistic themselves, who love life. There are plenty of these folks out there, but if you only radiate your fake personalities you will also attract people matching those fake ones. Secondly, you don't have to have a "mask", you can have your own personality but then switch between certain degrees of it.

You're definitely right. And to a large extent this what I've done in the last few years, but mainly it just makes me dread social situations because I get mainly bad reactions, hehe. It's quite an uphill battle to find these people who share my outlook... in the sense that I haven't really found any.

For example: I really enjoy informal talks, having good laughs and just enjoying the things around me. But being in a business environment or around more serious folks, it's not always appropriate to shout out the best jokes and talk to everyone about how their holiday was. But that doesn't mean I can still smile and make some simple jokes in a conversation with someone. I can still talk about them in an informal way, but less obvious.

This is what I do as well and it makes me depressed because I'm basically repressing my natural joy. I can't handle those sober business meetings where people whine about meaningless garbage and invent problems that aren't actually problems and spin their wheels and jockey for position and try to dominate others while avoiding being dominated. Just being in that atmosphere - and repressing my natural buoyancy - makes me want to hang myself. Sure, I could just be myself, but then I get cut down and that isn't very fun either. So it's like a catch-22 for me.

I basically avoid those situations.

Just as many as the number of shy girls being attracted to jocks. Plenty of girls out there who are looking for a shy, but sweet guy. But don't mistake shyness for autism! Being shy doesn't mean you can't have a normal conversation with someone, it just means you're not feeling to comfortable yet, which is all fine.

Lots of girls have fantasies about the "shy" guy that is deep and sensitive and artistic, like Johnny Depp. But IMO that is not shy.

Shy is where you have nothing to say because you don't want to express your real personality due to fear. Shy is when you get embarassed and stare at your feet because of all the times you've been degraded when you open yourself to social situations.

I agree with the other poster (the musician, the ladies man who all the forum-women are fawning over) that there is a difference between shy and introversion. Shy is an expression of fear, introversion just means you enjoy your own company.

My actual personality when I'm not feeling sorrowful (which happens to everybody from time to time) is sort of like an irreverent Ned Flanders. That is NOT sexy. I'm ok with not being sexy, but I mean it's all pretty inconvenient. Shy girls definitely don't like me, and neither do most normal girls. Ned Flanders is NOT alpha.