Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

MyBrainHurts · 12-21-2007, 10:01 AM

Hi all first off I would like to say hello and that I am new to the forum.

Im going to start off by explaining a little bit about myself before I get into the story.

I am a person with and introverted personality (to a degree). Ive taken all of the jung tests and every one pinged me as a INTJ. I agree for the most part with the result data the tests provided.

Ok now to what I actually have to say:

I just moved to another state and have been hanging out with a client/business partner of mine. He has taken me around the city and to play racket ball and whatnot, which I had a good time doing. I am currently in the process in trying to build my social skills and make new friends.

The thing is that our personalities clash when it comes to doing things together outside of business. Tonight he made me pretty angry which is kind of a hard thing to do since im not really much of an emotional person, or I never let my emotions become intense because I have my own mental control measures to calm me down before I get to angry, or to the point where I display my anger.

Every time we go out, afterwards he pretty much judges everything I say to other people. Im going to tell you what happened tonight for example.

We went out to the recreational center to play racket ball. (im trying to lose weight to help gain back some self confidence in my physical appearance. Im not fat but a little chubby at 220 stocky build). Anyway some guys come in and we just starting introducing ourselfs. And basicly I started talking with one of the guys and I said something along the lines of "yah im just rookie here to burn some calories off" and then added "I'm doing the whole salad diet thing and man do I make a mean salad with everything you can imagine". Ok that second part I don't really know why I said that but for some reason I guess I just associated it with me being there to lose weight. And perhaps because I was trying to some extent to extend the conversation because I did not know what to say next.

Another example is he made a comment that his cingular phone didnt get good reception and then I told him "Well I had a verizon phone that started out at 40 per month and ended up at 80 and now have cingular and my phone works great, it even went through a full washer cycle and came out working."

Now I don't really know why I decided at the time to mention verizon phone that I first had instead of just mentioning the cingular phone only.

He criticized me on just about everything I said to these people that we just met and it just made me angry because I felt that I was making an effort to be friendly and outgoing.

See, I don't really care that much about what people think of me because I know that I am a moral and respectable person. I do not feel that I am shy at all because when I feel the desire to try to open a dialog with someone I do so, its just a matter of will power like quiting smoking ( which i did three years ago) it was my first step in trying to improve myself physically and mentally.

My client/partner on the other hand is care about what other people think even people he does not know, for example he does not even want to talk in public for fear that someone might hear what is said which I do not understand. I do not have a fear of saying something in public to someone that I know and someone else that I do not know hearing what I have to say because in my mind there really not even listening nor do they care.

The only thing he would talk about are things that are meaningless and irrelevant so if someone did hear something they couldn't make much of a judgment of him I guess?

I am not a judgmental person, I do not judge people but merely try to understand there perspective.

Anyway the guys are getting back together next wednesday and he said "you can go on your own" as if he was embarrassed to be around me because of the way I communicate which made me abit angry.

From my perspective if someone I know says something that I perceive as dumb I wouldn't judge them on it or be embarrassed to be around them because I embrace people for who they are.

I don't really like the way he views things on social-interaction.
What do you think????

Here is the email I sent him:

12-21-2007, 10:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
MyBrainHurts Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 30	You Be The Judge Hi all first off I would like to say hello and that I am new to the forum. Im going to start off by explaining a little bit about myself before I get into the story. I am a person with and introverted personality (to a degree). Ive taken all of the jung tests and every one pinged me as a INTJ. I agree for the most part with the result data the tests provided. Ok now to what I actually have to say: I just moved to another state and have been hanging out with a client/business partner of mine. He has taken me around the city and to play racket ball and whatnot, which I had a good time doing. I am currently in the process in trying to build my social skills and make new friends. The thing is that our personalities clash when it comes to doing things together outside of business. Tonight he made me pretty angry which is kind of a hard thing to do since im not really much of an emotional person, or I never let my emotions become intense because I have my own mental control measures to calm me down before I get to angry, or to the point where I display my anger. Every time we go out, afterwards he pretty much judges everything I say to other people. Im going to tell you what happened tonight for example. We went out to the recreational center to play racket ball. (im trying to lose weight to help gain back some self confidence in my physical appearance. Im not fat but a little chubby at 220 stocky build). Anyway some guys come in and we just starting introducing ourselfs. And basicly I started talking with one of the guys and I said something along the lines of "yah im just rookie here to burn some calories off" and then added "I'm doing the whole salad diet thing and man do I make a mean salad with everything you can imagine". Ok that second part I don't really know why I said that but for some reason I guess I just associated it with me being there to lose weight. And perhaps because I was trying to some extent to extend the conversation because I did not know what to say next. Another example is he made a comment that his cingular phone didnt get good reception and then I told him "Well I had a verizon phone that started out at 40 per month and ended up at 80 and now have cingular and my phone works great, it even went through a full washer cycle and came out working." Now I don't really know why I decided at the time to mention verizon phone that I first had instead of just mentioning the cingular phone only. He criticized me on just about everything I said to these people that we just met and it just made me angry because I felt that I was making an effort to be friendly and outgoing. See, I don't really care that much about what people think of me because I know that I am a moral and respectable person. I do not feel that I am shy at all because when I feel the desire to try to open a dialog with someone I do so, its just a matter of will power like quiting smoking ( which i did three years ago) it was my first step in trying to improve myself physically and mentally. My client/partner on the other hand is care about what other people think even people he does not know, for example he does not even want to talk in public for fear that someone might hear what is said which I do not understand. I do not have a fear of saying something in public to someone that I know and someone else that I do not know hearing what I have to say because in my mind there really not even listening nor do they care. The only thing he would talk about are things that are meaningless and irrelevant so if someone did hear something they couldn't make much of a judgment of him I guess? I am not a judgmental person, I do not judge people but merely try to understand there perspective. Anyway the guys are getting back together next wednesday and he said "you can go on your own" as if he was embarrassed to be around me because of the way I communicate which made me abit angry. From my perspective if someone I know says something that I perceive as dumb I wouldn't judge them on it or be embarrassed to be around them because I embrace people for who they are. I don't really like the way he views things on social-interaction. What do you think???? Here is the email I sent him: