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Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}  I really hope you do get some less confrontational advice here, in fact I am sure you will. And after I say what I am about to say I will gladly bow out of the conversation if you'd like. |
No need to apologize for being confrontational, it's probably what I need right now, and no need to back out unless it's what you like.
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Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity} I want you to know I can sympathize with what you are feeling, but the part where you said "if she found out" is what bothers me. Please whatever you do don't lie to your wife. I know we don't owe anything to anyone, but I think that it's the least you can do for someone who's shared a life with you, especially one that seems to have been really great. |
I really don't want to hurt her, and like I said that is what is keeping me on the straight and narrow in my actions if not in my desires. And yeah, I know the honorable thing to do would be to leave her first if i decide to persue this woman, but honestly I don't know if I'm up to doing the honorable thing. Right now I have no intention to act on my feelings for her, but I've flip-flopped a few times on this in the past months.
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Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity} I was only eight years old when you and your wife got married, so I can't pretend I have the experience to even say this to you, but sometimes being a grown up means not doing something just because you feel like it. The reason considering being with this other woman is so enticing is because it's taboo. That's what I think at least - new and different. What would the reality be if you left your wife for her? The flirtiness that goes on in offices does not have anything to do with the realities of day to day life with someone. Like you said, you still love your wife and don't want to leave her. So what is this really about? What is it you gain by having sex with someone outside your marriage? |
Yeah, the forbidden fruit concept is definately at work here, I realize this intelectually, but it does nothing for me on the emotional level.
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Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity} Have you considered discussing your feelings with your wife? And since I think you were responding when I was editing my last post, what would your reaction be if you found your wife was having feelings like this, to the extent she was flirting with a coworker on more than just a friendly level? |
Well, here's the rub. She was unfaithful to me about 10 years ago, came clean herself because she realized the story was about to break. I forgave her after awhile and we never really separated. So I'm of two minds. I know exactly how it feels because she put me though it, and I don't want to do the same to her. Then there's the selfish part of me that says turnabout is fair play. And yeah I've considered talking to her about this, but decided it would likely not end well if I did. Hopefully I will be able to in the future.
And sorry for taking so long with the response. I started this out on my lunch hour, but I'm on the clock now and keep getting distracted with work.