[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I am not going to tell you you have to be content with your "fragile fidelity."

Either leave your wife and pursue this relationship or realize it's normal to have these types of feelings and look to the apparently wonderful 19 year relationship with your wife and ask "is it worth giving that up for a roll in the hay?"

I don't believe it's some kind of mandate that people be in monogomous relationships for all eternity, but since it doesn't seem there are any major issues in your marriage, I think your wife at least deserves the curtesy of not being deceived. Not that I think it would be right to behave without integrity even if she were a colossal jerk. Go ahead and pursue a relationship with this other woman, but only after you have divorced your wife. Or alternately discussed and agreed on an open relationship. If you are saying to yourself "but I love my wife, I don't want to leave her, I just want to have some fun too" then to you I say "GROW UP." And if I could reach through this computer screen I would slap you.

Sorry to be harsh, but I feel the attitude you have is really selfish. Just like you are free to feel like I am being a bitch.

Good luck and hopefully you will get some more compassionate advice from other posters. My stance on infidelity is that it is unnecessarily cruel (when in a relationship where fidelity is agreed upon). If you want to be with someone else, do it by all means, but don't lie about it.

Edit: Also, what would your reaction be if your found you wife had these types of feelings?