[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by bsitto

Wolfgang,

I agree with you on countless levels! I have no idea how it would be if we were actually living with each other. That has crossed my mind. This can help me determine that though: We have the same view point on family, kids, religion, lifestyle, finance, even politics.

Why would having these things in common make it a great relationship? And then in particular family, kids - share the same view of what? That it would be ok to keep being attracted to each other even though he's involved with a family? Doesn't that value seem to be getting trashed by carrying on about the connection between you two?

Throw in the chemistry and that sounds like a match made in heaven . Oh and don't forget we knew each other for 2 years before he got married. As far as living adjustments like taking out the trash, if something so minor needs to be taken into consideration then no one should get married! These are small adjustments....

You are argueing for a relationship that is not panning out. Living adjustements - I'm just saying look at what is realistic to know about how you two would relate in your high chemistry attraction and realize you don't know because you aren't with him. OK, 2 years is lots of common ground maybe - but what about seeing the excitment of not knowing everything in someone new that might catch your eye? Shouldn't you be thinking about this instead of this chemistry thing. It's possible to run into more high chemistry others, I'd say.

It is "what could have been" their is nothing that can be done. I know this. The part I am having the hardest time with is that the level of chemistry and attraction we shared is one I dont see ever being matched much less surpassed.

Is that true? "I dont see ever being matched"? That is what you are saying and concluding and if you start telling yourself that all the time it will ensure that it stays true. You have to let some possibilties into your head. I know if you are in a crush of love for this guy, it's hard to see outside of it. But isn't that what makes sense to do to get out of the rut of thinking "it can only be him but darn he's taken"?

Angela:

You are so true in what you say. The best thing any person can do for themselves is to fall in love with themselves and take action in their own life. I am a college student pursuing a degree in psychology. I love the idea of counseling people one day. I am working and I have wonderful friends who I am constantly around. I eat helathy and workout. I am doing everything and anything I can to feed my soul. BUT....

cool, psychology. What do the psych books say about chemistry and romantic unattainable love?

Everyone has a dream and everyone has a life goal. Mine just so happens to be a fantasy of marrying the man that makes my heart skip a beat even when Im 60, and with that man I build the most loving caring home imaginable with my children. Some people fantasize about big careers or a vacation home I dream of making chocolate chip cookies with my babies while Im on the phone with my husband whos going to be running late for dinner. Yes my silly dream is a family. This is the only thing on this earth that can make me the happiest I can ever feel. So how am I supposed face the fact that what I want won't be fully complete???

There is no fact in that statement:" what I want won't be fully complete". I mean you having a family is possible, right? Falling in love is possible, right?

I already know that the connection I have with this person can never be matched (and no I dont mean I wont find someone like him, thats not it at all) I just dont believe I can find that strong of a CONNECTION again. I don't see myself getting married to someone unless I feel for them at that level so that single-handedly crushes my dream. Until now I haven't been able to find anyone who can give me a strong enough arguement to prove that otherwise.....I was hoping to achieve that through this thread.

It's true connections can be strong or not. And are God given. I'm sure some of it just happens and some of it comes with time. 2 years of knowing someone that is now unavailable - well what about 5 years with someone that is available, don't you think that would surpass 2 years and someone that is not able to be with you? The other part is that emotional maturity or emotional intelligence. You can't really exercise that part of a relationship without being in one. However you can recognize chemistry without being in one. However depending your happiness on your life goals - if your life goal is to be with this guy that already has kids, then realize that reality. What would that really be like if he broke up the family to be with you? What would happen to the chemistry at that point? And you'd be a step mom of kids that have a mother. Is that part of your dream? But I was trying to say, it sounds like your dreams are fine to put into goals. But to do that you have stop some of the dreaming, you know what I mean?