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Originally Posted by Angela  It sounds like you're saying that you don't want it actually acknowledged on a date that you're looking to see if you're a good match? Don't you think it's a good idea to find out about your date "how he is"? I think you and I might be thinking of two different approaches to dating, and maybe part of that is cultural. I'm thinking about a person who consciously wants to create a loving, long-term, mutually beneficial relationship with velocity, and wants to be powerful and effective in doing so. This may be very American of me, though!  |
yes indeed!!!
Seriously, I don't know if that's american of you. But that's a very, very good question. Since I joined this forum, I'm wondering what you all mean with that dating thing. When I meet and like someone, whether I have a romantic interest in him or not, I want to see him again and spend time with him. So (if I'm lucky) we meet and spend time together, not necessarily going out in the evening, it can be going for a walk in the afternoon or taking breakfast in a café together or at his or my place to watch a movie or whatever. It may be more or less hot/romantic, but there is no formal difference between that and meeting a friend.
During this spending time together I'll find out how he is anyway, so there is no need, in my eyes, to meet in order to explicitely find that out. So yes, I don't want it to be aknowledged that we're checking if we're a good match, because we
are not checking if we are a good match! We're just spending time together because we enjoy doing so. If something happens between us, great, if not, great too, either we become friends or we've spent nice time together, that's it.
You're right, that's two very different ways to see it. I don't know if it's cultural, or if it's just me. But your approach seems not very romantic to me, actually not romantic at all! It's more some kind of, er.. deal? marketing? business? "Look how great I am! I want a relationship, you want a relationship, you fit my standards, I fit yours, win-win!"
To your original questions, if I feel something romantic is happening between us during these meetings (I don't dare to call them dates anymore...), I'll check a few things about the guy before I get into something more serious, like does he tend to feel easily guilty, or which kind of relationship does he want in the first place, is it compatible with what I want, or does he despise the beggars asking for change on the street, or does he like animals. But asking him directly questions in order to check him would feel very rude for me.
Is that cultural?