Agreed. Expectations creep in, of course; and I think it really pays off in a loving long-term mutually beneficial relationship (and in life, too!) if you examine your expectations, rather than letting them run you.
One thing in particular to watch yourself for: expectations that have you feeling owed. (Like, "she owes it to me to remain sexually faithful" or "he owes me a certain amount of attention and affection each day.") Nobody owes you anything! That's a pretty hard concept, I know, because we are trained since childhood to nurture our entitlements. But I repeat: nobody owes you anything.
And you don't owe anyone else, either. You make a choice in each new moment. That choice may involve keeping your word (or not) or adhering to an agreement (or not) -- that is, having integrity (or not). But you don't owe it to anyone to behave with integrity -- not even yourself. It's a gift you give yourself freely, a creative act that's part of generating a life you love.
Holding on to a sense of owing or being owed sucks the freedom, and therefore the love, right out of the space of any relationship.  |