I think I know what you're saying: that you invest time, energy, and spirit into a relationship, and it would be a loss if that all went down the drain. If you had a wonderful two year relationship with a woman, maybe bought a home together, and she died suddenly, do you think it would not have been worth all you put into it? Why would that be different if she suddenly left you for another man? What I'm saying is, if you are really present to a life you're in love with, it's life itself that gives you satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy, completely without regard to the actions of others, not even your closest romantic partner.
Loving Long Term Mutually Beneficial Relationship. (I guess is should be LLTMBR.) I just get weary of typing that whole thing out.
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I would think that if you might be disappointed or sad is something to fear and is a form of attachment.
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You might be right! And the key is to remain vigilant about taking 100% responsibility for my own satisfaction and fulfillment. Let's say Danger Man left me for another woman. It's hard to imagine not being disappointed or sad about that. And then I would accept 100% responsibility (I hope I would, anyway!) and remind myself that he is the CEO of his own life, his choices are his own, and he's doing exactly the right thing for himself. As CEO of my own life, I might determine that I need to grieve for awhile before dating again (which I'm quite positive I'd have a blast doing -- dating, not grieving!).
But to live out my relationship in fear that Danger Man might leave me for another woman, or to date other men while holding onto a fear that they might leave me, too, or die, or whatever, and to behave with caution to prevent myself from being hurt by that... well, that would be a choice; it's not mandatory. You're not
required to keep carrying old fear or old emotional pain in your life.
For me, living a life I love entails being alert to old fear and pain, seeing them for the ghosts that they are, and surrendering them.