Hey, guys -- it may sound very bold to you, but I am saying that it's not necessary to have fear be part of generating a romantic relationship. You seem to be approaching romantic love holding onto a basic Truth that fear is an unavoidable part of it; that protecting yourself from the inevitable onslaught of danger, risk and peril is essential! And while no, Cylon, I don't know what it's like to be a man, I do know what it's like to want someone to choose me and then not be chosen. What I'm saying is that being hurt when I'm not chosen is not necessary, if I'm granting the other person the freedom to be exactly who he is and exactly who he is not. That's what I'm saying is the antidote to pain, Wolfgang. Rather than being an antidote, being fully self-expressed is a natural result of generating freedom in relationships. Freedom (acceptance) is the antidote not only to the paralyzing response to fear that you mentioned, it's actually the antidote for the fear itself.
As a society, we seem to have convinced ourselves that pain is an integral part of romantic love, and we use language that reinforces it: rejection, betrayal, cheating. And it does take a great deal of conscious choice to overcome the belief that pain and love go hand in hand.
I advocate living a life you're in love with. For me, being vigilant about recognizing when I'm being run by inauthentic fear, letting go of that fear, and generating something that inspires me, like freedom.... that's a big part of creating a live I'm in love with.
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