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Originally Posted by Bliss Sage  It actually also spills out into actions. Secretly in my heart, I would get urges to do "too nice" things. I would get an urge to do something nice for someone, but I would often squash it, for fear of the response. You can only be "so nice" to people without them questioning it or giving it meaning that it shouldn't have. Or a third alternative that has happened is someone accepts the kindness in the loving spirit I mean it, and then registers in his head "Aha, here is a soft-hearted, gullible girl who I can manipulate, I am going to 'get her' with my sob stories..." ... and that way they manage to take and take and take ... |
I can relate to this aswell, but I want to put this under the name "affection". I'm just a very affectionate person, sometimes I get this desire of just touching or hugging someone. But I know I am that way and I like myself for it.
But I think your problem is that you're not accepting yourself for who you are. I'm not drawing a conclusion, but it just seems like you're constantly comparing who you are with who you think you should be (according to society). When I feel affection for someone I just chose if the other person is open for it or not. When they are not I respect their wish and I will not show any physical affection (which can be as simple as a touch on the arm).
And I'm not concerned with what someone else thinks of me doing it, it's irrelevant cause I know for myself I enjoy it.
So again, you have to figure out who you want to be. I think you just like the way you are, but you aren't accepting it yet. When you would accept it, all societal opinions and your own thoughts of how others perceive you just falls away. It becomes irrelevant.