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Originally Posted by Angela  Bliss Sage, I'm sorry if I misunderstood you. From the things you've said in this thread, I had the impression that shyness does indeed cost you dearly, and that you would be "at the powerful end" if shyness were not running you. |
No, I'm sorry. I get all of my "issues" mixed up. I know what I feel and that is what I write, but I don't know the reasons why I feel those ways and you ask questions that make me figure out why I have the feelings and then I get confused with thoughts. Like Spiritual just mentioned powerless-powerful. All I know is I have never felt powerful. After your post now, I had to consider why I have been "falling head over heels" to feel powerful. It has nothing to do with shyness. And if I think even further considering "powerless-powerful" in terms of socializing, I don't see how I can apply it. I either feel unafraid or I don't, comfortable or not. "Powerful-powerless" in social situations feels like it would require some personality trait I don't have. It also seems like you have some sort of social authority, which I don't have and I don't think I want.
I guess shyness to me would be when inside me I have something I do want to say and there might be ample opportunity to say it, but I don't out of some fear. I don't experience that a lot these days. It actually also spills out into actions. Secretly in my heart, I would get urges to do "too nice" things. I would get an urge to do something nice for someone, but I would often squash it, for fear of the response. You can only be "so nice" to people without them questioning it or giving it meaning that it shouldn't have. Or a third alternative that has happened is someone accepts the kindness in the loving spirit I mean it, and then registers in his head "Aha, here is a soft-hearted, gullible girl who I can manipulate, I am going to 'get her' with my sob stories..." ... and that way they manage to take and take and take ...
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You see, I don't see shyness as an innate personality trait -- "who you are and you should just learn to be comfortable with that"
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I agree. But even without shyness, I'm really introverted (I scored 95% on introversion on that personality test). I guess I can feel the difference now. Introversion doesn't have some kind of fear associated with it. When I was growing up, nobody used the term "introverted" and I was called shy all the time, and "quiet as a church mouse" etc. Well, I
was shy and scared of people, but I also liked to play a lot by myself, which I don't think is shy, but introverted. Back then, though, there was only "shy" and no "introverted".