As we've talked about before in other threads, there's a world of difference between reacting and responding. When a person is shy, she's in reactive mode; that is, she isn't free to choose a conscious response, because the habitual reaction takes over before she ever gets to make a choice. Remaining quiet, letting the other person do most of the talking, not saying what's really on your mind, editing what you say before you say it.... those are the reactions, or habitual ways of being, of a shy person.
I wasn't quite accurate earlier when I said that "you're completely at the effect of other people." What I should have said is: you're completely at the effect of the habitual thoughts that get triggered by other people. 100% of the responsibility for your way of being is yours. So, to say, "I can't be free around some personality types" or "some people make me really nervous or self-conscious" is really just a mask for "my habitual thought or way of being is activated." Your lack of freedom, or your nervousness or self-consciousness, has absolutely nothing to do with the other person or his personality type; it has everything to do with your way of being.
That may sound really scary or confronting, but what it can mean is that the power to be free is entirely, 100% in your hands. That is like having a superpower, isn't it? Being free, as a matter of choice and being the cause, isn't that infinitely more inspiring than having your freedom lay in the actions or thoughts of other people?
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