 Great ambition and goals but a giant wall
Hey!
I find myself having great goals that I am very motivated to do. I want to discover new things, I love science and study electrical engineering. I recently discovered that I love to teach also, I haven't actually teached but I have helped friends with math problems and the like and I really liked that. I am not advancing much due to reasons I will state later. I have alot of fears and trouble to actually get somewhere. But I think I want to help people get over these things that I myself have problems with. To realize that there are ways to get out of so called "depressions" and that there may be a reason to live. I want to learn photo reading, image streaming, languages, play instruments, travel like crazy. Kitesurfing (already doing it) And alot of things.
And especially I want to get the problems I have talking to gitls handled and I have been "trying" to do that the last two years without much success. I know what I need to do but I just cant do it. I want to go up and talk to women wherever I am and I know its possible others are doing it. And I have to do it myself. Its just, I dont. And its destroying every part of my life. And when I actually do something (it happens sometimes) that I know was going to be hard and I hadn't done it in a while. It feels like I can do anything! I feel amazing and it feels like the world has unlocked and I can accomplish anything.
Then I go home and am temporarily happy about my advances. Then I dont do much and eventually I fall back to worrying IF I will do this or not and I continue to dwell on my problems.
I mean I love learning and growing and I know I can do alot to help myself and others. Its just something in the way, and its driving me crazy. From time to time I actually start do doubt if this is what I want because I dont do anything. But eventually I am back where I started. Its like I have put my life on hold waiting for a big sign to happen. "Start living NOW"
Hmm, I just wanted to write a little to clear my thoughts. If someone have any opinions I would appreciate it.  |