Consider that by winning this woman back, you would be proving to yourself that you're no longer the mean, abusive, selfish elsizzle, but the new, loveable, loving, peaceful person you'd like to see yourself as.
Unfortunately, another person's feelings and actions will never satisfy your need to prove to yourself that you've got these qualities. You have to be and see them yourself.
You're not there yet. If you were, you would grant this woman the freedom to pursue her life according to her own choices, and you'd let her go with love and gratitude. That would be a loving thing to do, and it would free you from your marriage to an outcome, so that you're available for a loving, mutually beneficial relationship with a woman who chooses you as you choose her.
Best wishes.
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