It looks like the only reason you reevaluated what you were doing and tried to improve was because she finally stood up and was no longer willing to put up with everything you were doing. She's right to not give you another chance, but hasn't yet had the strength to fully break free. You would likely both be better off if you could each move on, she stops contacting you and you stop contacting her. As long as she keeps calling/IMing you, she's just scratching at the scab and keeping you from healing. You both have too many old feelings attached to each other, and you're more likely to live out negative patterns together than with someone new, as you both likely habitually push each other's buttons at this point. There's too much baggage now. Start fresh.
Your life will be much happier if you can just focus on what you said here, "the love I needed from women I can get through God/ higher self, etc. Lots of therapy, meditation, reading, EFT". If you really believe that you can get that love elsewhere, through "God/higher self, etc.", why waste time and energy on a losing proposition (a relationship with the girl that she says she doesn't want)? If the breakup helped you realize this, the girl did you an immense favor. To return the favor simply let her go. All of that personal work is NOT to make yourself a better prospect for her. That door is closed. The personal work is for yourself. That it could make future relationships better is just a bonus.
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