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And what has really been troubling me is: is the fact that I'm giving so much conscious attention to this going to go towards making it come true? Am I drawing this towards me by thinking about it?
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From my experience I would say:
yes, you are drawing it towards you by thinking of it. Remember the law of attraction. It works in every area.
A while ago I got engaged with the paranormal "too much, too fast at once" and I had to stop with everything that had to do with it in order to "get back" and stop being "afraid of the dark"...
Now, a half year later I am getting back, slowly, and it's not a big deal anymore... :)