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nick pagan · 12-09-2007, 10:14 PM

Hello Gita,

From reading your posts I think that you are on the verge of making the breakthrough that you want to make. I used to have real problems with taking criticism until I realized that I most got angry when people said things about me that I denied were true. All of that changed for me when I accepted that anger meant denial and that it didn't help me - it just delayed getting to the root of the problem.

Your feelings of low self-esteem might have justification if you pretend to be something or someone that you are not (at this time). Your anger at perceived criticism suggests to me that you attempted to defend yourself against truths that you don't want to hear (I say that because that exactly how I used to behave). It was hard for me to swallow my pride and accept that I really wasn't the person that I pretended to be but once I did so it gave me a great deal of relief.

I realized that although I had the potential to do great things I wasn't actually fulfilling that promise in reality. I then had to go through a process of accepting my inadequacies in many areas (and again, that hurt initially but then provided massive relief). I got very clear on my strengths and capabilities and what I could robustly depend upon within myself and from there I sought to build capabilities where I lacked them, especially in areas where I knew that my inadequacies really held me back.

We have survival instincts that cause us to deny inadequacy because it can demonstrate exploitable weaknesses but for most of us, we don't live in such desperate circumstances that we need to protect ourselves in that way. Facing up to and accepting the truth brings massive emotional relief. More than that, it frees up the energy and focus put into protection and allows you to divert it into the development of the competencies that make you immune to the need for protection.

Hope that helps. For more in-depth reading on understanding how our survival instincts affect our emotions you can read this paper: http://www.nickpagan.com/blog/wp-con...fectly-v10.pdf

Take care,
Nick

12-09-2007, 10:14 PM	#24 (permalink)
nick pagan Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 84	Hello Gita, From reading your posts I think that you are on the verge of making the breakthrough that you want to make. I used to have real problems with taking criticism until I realized that I most got angry when people said things about me that I denied were true. All of that changed for me when I accepted that anger meant denial and that it didn't help me - it just delayed getting to the root of the problem. Your feelings of low self-esteem might have justification if you pretend to be something or someone that you are not (at this time). Your anger at perceived criticism suggests to me that you attempted to defend yourself against truths that you don't want to hear (I say that because that exactly how I used to behave). It was hard for me to swallow my pride and accept that I really wasn't the person that I pretended to be but once I did so it gave me a great deal of relief. I realized that although I had the potential to do great things I wasn't actually fulfilling that promise in reality. I then had to go through a process of accepting my inadequacies in many areas (and again, that hurt initially but then provided massive relief). I got very clear on my strengths and capabilities and what I could robustly depend upon within myself and from there I sought to build capabilities where I lacked them, especially in areas where I knew that my inadequacies really held me back. We have survival instincts that cause us to deny inadequacy because it can demonstrate exploitable weaknesses but for most of us, we don't live in such desperate circumstances that we need to protect ourselves in that way. Facing up to and accepting the truth brings massive emotional relief. More than that, it frees up the energy and focus put into protection and allows you to divert it into the development of the competencies that make you immune to the need for protection. Hope that helps. For more in-depth reading on understanding how our survival instincts affect our emotions you can read this paper: http://www.nickpagan.com/blog/wp-con...fectly-v10.pdf Take care, Nick