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David73 · 11-21-2006, 05:53 PM

Hi,

it took some time to get myself worked up to really write this post…So I better get started right away, just let me apologize in advance for my simple english, as I’m no native speaker.

I stumbled over Steve’s Blog about one year ago...and I really loved (almost) anything I read. It really got me motivated to get a grip on my live and really find my way. And it started really neat. I managed to get up early, do a (tiny tiny) bit of physical training, but more than anything in the last 33 years... So I thought I was on a good way. But since a few weeks I’m totally stuck. And it is rather obvious that my major problem is that I just don’t know what to do with my life. So, I will give you some personal details about me:

I’m 33 years old right now, but seldom feeling like it. Often I think that I still haven’t “grown up” as Steve mentioned in his first podcast. I wish I could at least “grow up”... But I have a very hard time making decisions or accepting responsibility. And it was this way as long as I can remember. If it wasn’t for my beloved wife (the best thing that happened to me in this life) I guess I would wander this world without any goals or responsibility. She gives me some strength and I’m thankfull for it, but this can’t be all.

I see I’m getting a bit off track, so back to me. I’m a rather inpassionate person. I never had many friends (if any), be it at school or later. I always was an outsider, but a selfmade one I think. I started very early playing computer and video games and spending lots and lots of time alone with them. For what was first (being alone and therefore seeking fun in games, or playing to much games and therefore being a loner) I cannot say. It’s the old chicken and egg problem I think, but does it matter? So, now I have a wife and life is better for sure. But I know that deep inside I’m still the same. If I’m home alone I spend the most time on the computer because I don’t know what to do with myself. And now we both have no real friends. Luckily, we have a good and deep relation (more than 12 years now) so we’re happy being alone. But of course it’s not as it should be.

And not being very passionate is a problem that I have in almost all aspects of live. And therefore I really have a hard time finding my purpose or what I really would enjoy in live. Right now I’m working in a job I rather hate (but it is so secure that my comfort zone is really happy) and I would love to quit or at least start on something other in the free time. But I just can’t find anything I am really passionate about. The one thing that I really like to spend time are games. So is that just me escaping reality or is this really my passion and I should try to make my way reviewing games or even try the big step to independent game developing (a daunting task for a 33 year old with no programming skills). But that’s the only thing i really can dream about. But it’s such a big goal...to big for my comfort zone I fear. And so she’s whispering in my ear all the time...”you won’t make it”, “this is not your real goal in live, think about all the time you wasted with these games”...etc etc.

So, to come to a point...I’m really stuck with my development right now and my motivation is nearly depleted. I’m feeling like I’m suffering not a “low-motivation-day” but a “low-motivation-life”...But I dont want to go on like this.

Honestly, I don’t know what I expect from posting this...perhaps its just some “journaling for the public”...

11-21-2006, 05:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
David73 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 7	stuck in a low motivation life Hi, it took some time to get myself worked up to really write this post…So I better get started right away, just let me apologize in advance for my simple english, as I’m no native speaker. I stumbled over Steve’s Blog about one year ago...and I really loved (almost) anything I read. It really got me motivated to get a grip on my live and really find my way. And it started really neat. I managed to get up early, do a (tiny tiny) bit of physical training, but more than anything in the last 33 years... So I thought I was on a good way. But since a few weeks I’m totally stuck. And it is rather obvious that my major problem is that I just don’t know what to do with my life. So, I will give you some personal details about me: I’m 33 years old right now, but seldom feeling like it. Often I think that I still haven’t “grown up” as Steve mentioned in his first podcast. I wish I could at least “grow up”... But I have a very hard time making decisions or accepting responsibility. And it was this way as long as I can remember. If it wasn’t for my beloved wife (the best thing that happened to me in this life) I guess I would wander this world without any goals or responsibility. She gives me some strength and I’m thankfull for it, but this can’t be all. I see I’m getting a bit off track, so back to me. I’m a rather inpassionate person. I never had many friends (if any), be it at school or later. I always was an outsider, but a selfmade one I think. I started very early playing computer and video games and spending lots and lots of time alone with them. For what was first (being alone and therefore seeking fun in games, or playing to much games and therefore being a loner) I cannot say. It’s the old chicken and egg problem I think, but does it matter? So, now I have a wife and life is better for sure. But I know that deep inside I’m still the same. If I’m home alone I spend the most time on the computer because I don’t know what to do with myself. And now we both have no real friends. Luckily, we have a good and deep relation (more than 12 years now) so we’re happy being alone. But of course it’s not as it should be. And not being very passionate is a problem that I have in almost all aspects of live. And therefore I really have a hard time finding my purpose or what I really would enjoy in live. Right now I’m working in a job I rather hate (but it is so secure that my comfort zone is really happy) and I would love to quit or at least start on something other in the free time. But I just can’t find anything I am really passionate about. The one thing that I really like to spend time are games. So is that just me escaping reality or is this really my passion and I should try to make my way reviewing games or even try the big step to independent game developing (a daunting task for a 33 year old with no programming skills). But that’s the only thing i really can dream about. But it’s such a big goal...to big for my comfort zone I fear. And so she’s whispering in my ear all the time...”you won’t make it”, “this is not your real goal in live, think about all the time you wasted with these games”...etc etc. So, to come to a point...I’m really stuck with my development right now and my motivation is nearly depleted. I’m feeling like I’m suffering not a “low-motivation-day” but a “low-motivation-life”...But I dont want to go on like this. Honestly, I don’t know what I expect from posting this...perhaps its just some “journaling for the public”...