[euphoria2k]

Hi all, my name is Katie, I'm an only child, 22 years old, have ADHD, both my parents are insane, and I have no idea what to do with anything.

I came to this website because several months ago, my friend told me that he believes that I am capable of astral projection based on some things I told him about myself. Since I have always been very curious about my spirituality (because I had none or had never experiences anything outrageous), philosophy, religion, and metaphysics, I started reading into spiritual development and I am very interested in learning more. He believes that we met for a reason (I introduced him to salvia which seemed to increase his spiritual awareness, even when he is not on it), and he also thinks that my life would improve if I understood my spirituality better. I have had an out of body experience extremely similar to that of Erin's in her blog, and I have experienced lucid dreaming several times, but it usually happens on accident. I am also able to become of aware that I am dreaming (or having a nightmare as it usually is) and am able to wake myself up from it, but I cannot seem to control what happens in the dream.

What I'd mainly like to do is trying to learn more about myself and improve my mentality as well as the lives of people around me. For the most part, I have a very negative attitude, but only because throughout my life, I have had a lot of problems with my family and especially relationships. I may not make the best decisions sometime, and in fact, I make a lot of irresponsible decisions, but I know that most of my intentions are good and I would go out of my way to help people. I don't know if I have a personality disorder or not, but I always feel like I live in a state of constant anxiety, paranoia, and boredom. My main problem is not having any motivation... after I dropped out of college, I have pretty much been a complete waste of life, sitting at home getting high on pot and playing computer games. I know that I need to do something about my life, but at the same time, I can't seem to shake this feeling of "whats the point in the end?" Also, not having a direction or idea of what career I should invest my life into doesn't help. I wanted to be able to do something I can see myself doing for a very long time without being miserable, as well enjoying it or being very good at it. Unfortunately, I have not done much to figure this out (don't know how I would) and have been procrastinating a lot.

Anyways, before I tell my whole life story, I would love some insight and advice from anyone here! Thanks.