Here's my (very personal) stance on this, and, frankly, it's hard to write and even harder to admit.
My current position is one that I didn't come to willingly. I felt forced into accepting the position despite the fact that every fibre of my being was saying, "NOOOOO!!!! This is a HUGE MISTAKE..!"
And I was right. It was a huge mistake.
How was I forced?
Three things, in no particular order:
- Money. I happen to enjoy where I'm living, I don't have a lot of expenses (I live alone own so I'm not responsible for anyone's well-being but my own) and my debts are pretty much non-existent but I do require at least a moderate amount of income to keep me going and provide some financial security for my retirement years. No job = no money, and if I just up and quit at my job I won't qualify for any sort of employment insurance benefits.
- History. As I think I stated before, I went through a protracted period of unemployment, around 18 months. That was massively difficult, and the loss of income was only one part of it. Work not only provides income, it also provides social contact, something that pretty much vanished when the company I was working for was forced into bankruptcy. It was an extremely depressing time and did some major damage on my psyche. Rejection upon rejection upon rejection... over 50 interviews with 0 job offers. Fifty kicks in the head, based largely on my age and gender and other factors entirely out of my control.* I can't even begin to express the depths of despair I felt. Were I to turn down my present position, how long could it be before I was offered something else? That's not something I could know. And I honestly don't think I could go through an extended period of unemployment again. Quite literally, I may not survive it, coming to a somewhat inglorious messy end at the bottom of a cliff or smashed up against a bridge abutment.
- Expectations. Whether I like it or not, the expectations of those around me (especially my father, a rugged individualist if there ever was one) played, and continue to play, a huge part in my sense of self. Being unemployed, at my age and with my level of education, diminishes me in his eyes tremendously, and my self-esteem isn't that confident that his opinions don't matter. They do. As well, being a single man looking for a little female companionship and telling a date that, "Uh, well, I'm unemployed at the moment" isn't a particularly endearing quality. Again, it's not something that I'm particularly happy about, but it's my reality.
Last night I started reading Jack Canfield's book,
The Success Principles, and number one on his list is to take 100% responsibility for one's successes and failures. Now, I just got started in the book so I can't really speak to the entire volume but I'm hoping that this, as well as some other personal development I'm working on, might break me free from these financial, historical and expectational chains.
It's damn hard, though. Farking hard.
* yea, really... that's not supposition, I actually have proof that I was passed over for less-qualified people because of so-called "employment equity." That's not bitterness, it's just reality