Hm, I'm certainly no pro expert on this, so I can only tell you what I feel was helpful to me in the past when I was in a depressed state, and it very much depends on how low my energy level was at the time.
At rock bottom, no one telling me to go out exercise and feel happy about my prospects in life would have gonna acchieve making me feel better when I had trouble getting out of bed in the morning and making it through each day. It's like your bones are filled with lead, all hurts, your head aches, you are constantly tired, and I mean dead tired, exhausted and have maybe just enough energy left to brush your teeth in the morning and or do what's necessary to survive.
And you don't have an real interests anymore, it's like you're sucked down in a mire surrounded by mist. At least it was for me. Depression is like exhaustion, absolute exhaustion. I tmight me a good idea, to imagine yourself really drop dead exhausted, to the point where all your resources mind and body seem depleted and from that point of view ask yourself what advice or help would do you good.
I didn't take anti-depressant on principle, except for household remedies you can buy in drugstores cause I trust in my body. If my energy is gone, it's gone for a reason, and I don't believe in chemical solutions, unless as first aid when it's life and death. It might be necessary in some cases, I do not know and don't dare to argue about it, it's just a choice I stick by for myself.
So what helped me apart from household remedies, was getting rest, lots of rest, and then when the fog seemed to have lifted a little, when I just felt a little better, even a tiny bit, doing the first thing that came to my mind, just going with the flow, taking baby steps. And from friends and relatives, especially from my family what helped me most was emotional and circumstantial unconditional back-up. What I wanted to hear was that none of it mattered, that I'd be safe and cared for no matter what, that I'd be okay and looked after and supported.
Even if it's falling back into baby behaviour, what helped me was exactly that. Unconditional love and support like I was a baby again. No advice on what I should or shouldn't do, cause I couldn't do any of it anyhow at rock bottom, but being told time and again in words and deeds that everything was safe and that I was cared for.
If someone had a bad cold, I guess it'd be the difference between telling him to buy some medicine and take to bed, or making the bed, buying the medicine and then bringing the chicken soup to the bedside.
Helping others takes time, attention and committment, depending on how much help they need. You need to know how far you're willing to go in your attempt to help them, how much you can give from your own energy to them.
My best wishes go out to you and your family in this difficult time.
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