Thaks Lola that makes me feel better. I feel the same way, who would want to hurt themselves? When it was everyone else's fault I had something to direct my focus towards. But that focus has to be on me now, and I'm so used to the victim stuff. I'm going to miss that righteous indignation I think. Eventually I believe I will mellow out. You mentioned a marriage that didn't work. I've been in a job for almost six years now, and for at least four of those years I've wanted to leave but have been afraid to. Now that I'm in the process of looking for another one (finally) I'm pissed off that I waited so long, that all the stuff that made me furious has really been me doing it to myself. Right now I feel hopeful that I can create something better for my life but at the same time, I'm a little worried about the thoughts I have NOW. I realize there's years of momentum to diffuse. I like how you mention the fury was actually a catalyst for you.
But it's not like there's another option. We still have the rest of our lives to live the "right way". That's more than many people can claim.  |