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Originally Posted by rikun  Hey guys,
I know I'm a bit late, in my mid twenties, just had my first super brief relationship and break-up. We only saw a couple of times and somehow I think I developed intense deep feelings for her. Now I can't say for sure what I felt towards her, since I've never been in love, but I know I've never felt anything like that. And the one post about true love really resonated with me:
"What happened to you is what happens when you encounter real love - she turned out to be a person who has the ability to heal your old childhood wounds from within. But when your relationship ended, that healing process you were feeling abrubtly ended"
- I don't remember who said it, but it really hit home with me. I've had some repressed memories coming back and I almost felt like the child in me came out when I was with her. I've certainly never been able to open up to anyone as much I did to her. Not even to my parents. |
It's very possible that you were experiencing comfort that you didn't get as a child. You'd need some professional help to look into that.
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And now it's over. Any tips how to handle it? I feel like my life is empty and meaningless. I feel like there are no colors in my life, everything just feels metallic and numb. I know it's never going to work out, but a part of me wants to be delusional and hang on. I think it's in part because I rarely meet women I really like, this was actually the first time in my whole life. I don't want to believe any of the stupid myths (the one, etc), but often do you find true love, if it was that...?
I'm currently working but now that I've been thinking about it, I don't like my job very much and it's going nowhere. I'm also studying but it's just mainly my thesis I'll have to get done and then I'll be graduating. And then what, huh?!
Before I met her I knew for sure what I wanted to do for living, but now I don't know anymore. I've also been a bit involved in pickup stuff, but honestly I don't know how I can find the motivation now. And this all is coming from a guy that never even believed in love, and in the past I had a really strong frame that nobody could shake.
Before meeting her, I thought my life was great and everything was falling in place. But now I'm just a mess. I don't know who I am or what I should do with my life. I think the best thing would just to try to move on and meet new people, but I feel I can't.
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I think you felt a lot of these things before meeting her and just suppressed them. You already knew you didn't like your job, right?
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I'm totally lost right now. I was actually lost from the day I met her, I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. She brought a side out of me I didn't know even existed. Do you think I should make any decisions about my job now? I can't be sure what I'm feeling about anything right now. And I really feel I've lost my love for life, before I was pretty happy, outgoing and had a lot of passion in my chosen field of work. Now I feel like doing nothing. I've never been like this and it scares me.
Any suggestions what I should be doing while getting over her? I doubt I need too much time because we didn't even get to know each other properly, but still I feel the intense burn and pain in me.
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I think the main thing you found with this relationship was co-dependency. Possibly that or "love addiction." It's normal to feel depressed after a break up. It's not normal to feel like your entire life is worth nothing.
You are young, you have an entire life ahead of you. The depression from this breakup will pass if you begin to focus on yourself, which is something I think you've been missing.
You need to get comfortable being alone before you can truly be in a solid relationship. If you're always worried about being alone, you will do unhealthy things in your relationship to make sure that never happens.
I recommend reading a book by Pia Mellody called
Facing Co-Dependence and another one by the same author called
Love Addiction
Even if you end up not having any of these two things, they are still both great things to learn about and will help you through your entire life.
With that said, start focusing on YOU instead of on other people. Build self esteem rather than other esteem. Part of focusing on you is figuring out why this relationship affected you so much in such a short amount of time.
Buy both those books and get started researching--it will give your mind and body a rest too.