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Originally Posted by martin  First let me start by saying I'm 15 years old. Maybe my age has something to do with this.
Anyhow, my father is someone that I have a hard time getting along with consistently. I feel like I don't do anything to deserve the treatment I get from him. I live with my mother because I couldn't handle living with him anymore. When I was younger he used to hit me a lot and break my things. Don't get me wrong, things weren't horrible all the time, but they could get really bad. So I moved to my mother's to escape the constant chaos at my father's.
My dad and I started to get along again recently, and we would hang out sometimes on the weekends. It was nice. He seemed to be making an effort. It was like moving over my mother's somehow made him want to be nice to me again... maybe he was hoping I'd move back over his place.
But after hanging out for a couple weeks he became his old self again. He would try to make me feel guilty for everything. If I ask him to drive me somewhere I automatically hear "you think I'm your personal driver". My dad makes it seem like he does a lot for me, when in reality he doesn't. My mom pays for everything, and she doesn't even ask for 'child support' from him.
Also, he tends to get angered easily. For example, today he wanted me to come over and help him with putting up his Christmas tree. I told him it would be better if we could do it the next day (I had things planned) and he got angry and hung up on me. I called him back asking why he hung up on me and then he hung up on me again. I kept calling him back til he answered his phone because I was just really confused about why he was so angry and he then answered saying "stop harrassing me" before hanging up on me again.
I moved to my mother's to leave behind this kind of nonsense, and it worked for a while... but it seems like it's just happening all over again.
I want to get along with my dad, but he just seems a little crazy. I know I'm a good person, and I don't see what I do wrong to deserve the treatment I get. I know there has to be something else bothering him...
Anyone have any advice? What could I do to change things? Thanks in advance. |
I think you did a great thing by moving out of his house.
I also think you don't need him in your life right now. When people emotionally and physically abuse us, we can't allow them access to us any further.
I would write him a letter to the effect of:
"Dad,
I love you.
I don't appreciate the way you treat me. Your actions on many occasions amount to nothing more than physical and emotional abuse. I will not allow you to subject me to that.
When you hit me and yell at me I feel pain. When you fail to control your words and your anger, I feel sad and distant.
Dad, if you continue to act this way I will cut off all contact with you. I will not talk to you on the phone, in person, or on the internet. I will not respond to your requests. I will not visit you.
---Signed"
The next time he starts into it, you walk out or call someone to come get you. After that, it's over. Not forever, but for a very long time. long enough for him to get the point (months or years).
The next thing I want you to understand is that these issues are his problem, not yours. You are not responsible for controlling his behavior, fixing his problems, etc. You are only responsible for protecting yourself.
You sound very intelligent. I wish you luck.