[laciemn1]

I've read a couple of self-help books and listened to some tapes. I know how much fear affects us, I know some of the techniques to quiet, but I have this irrational fear of my old workplace.

I used to work at a grocery store called Lowes Food, I live right next to there. I was pretty afraid of the whole environment really, at times I was fine when I was there, but sometimes I'd just get overwhelmed by all the people watching me and making sure I was doing everything right.

Especially my boss, Janet. She has these huge, alien eyes that seem to see right through you. She made me cry once because I fell asleep at work(I work late night). I'm SO afraid of her. I have an extremely hard time just making eye contact with her or speaking at a normal tone of voice. Anyway, I quit Lowes food by not ever showing up for work they called and my mom told them some lie about me moving away.

I, however, still live nearby and it is the local grocery store. I depend on my mom to get all my stuff on her way home from work, when before I started working there, I was the primary shopper. I also have a few friends at Lowes Food.


It's been a couple months since I quit, and I am STILL afraid of pretty much everyone who was ever my boss at any time. I am afraid to go in the store because I think I might see some of them.

I think some of this fear has to do with how I ended up quitting Lowes Food. I do not regret it one bit, it moved me to an enitrely new stage of my life. So here's how it happened.

My mom brought home a case of beer and went to sleep. I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but I just decided I'd have 1 or 2 to lessen the dread of having to go into work in...5 hours. Yes, I dreaded work that far in advance. So after I had a few, my mind began to sabotage my plan to go to work. I'd been thinking about quitting for quite a while and written a couple 2-week notices but not turning them in from fear of having to explain why I was quitting. So, I just got reeeally plastered so that there was no possible way I was going into work.

It was really liberating, I was so happy I didn't have to work. When my mom and friend woke up, I launched into this plan of getting rich by starting my own business and telling them that they wouldn't have to work, that I was going to be so great now that I've quit Lowes Food.

So, in the morning(after my shift had ended), I was insanely scared about Lowes calling, and incredibly guilty because I'd really wanted to call and tell my boss to have someone else come in for me the next day, but I was so afraid. And I thought to myself, if I could just do this, it could change my life. Maybe I'd have more courage. It would NOT be half as hard as it was in my mind, and although I picked up the phone and dialed most of the number, I still let fear win the battle. I'm wondering if this is somehow related to my current dilemma.


Help mee!