Hi everyone, Could you spare a moment to provide some advice and experience from your lives to help me?
I"m a 2nd year college student and I had enough of wasting my time there. After the last semester, I prompty took a leave of absence and decided to live life and follow my passions. I went backpackind and started an apprenticeship on the path to become a retail investor. So far, so good.
So, I left college behind me and don't intend to look back? I wish I could. However...
From the country I come from, every college student is given a study grant for 5 years. After this leave of absence, I'm due to return to college in the next semester or forfeit the grant. If you are wondering if I need to repay the grant if I drop out completely, the answer thankfully is a no. All that being said, I"m in a state of confusion and anxiety about convincing myself to enroll again for practicality reasons (ie. To save government's money and while I'm at it, get that piece of paper)
I've nothing against college. I'm all for the higher education, wider social circles, new experiences, and job opportunities. It's just that I don't see a need for it in my life right now. On top of that, the biggest obstacle for returning is that I"ve absolutely no interest in the subject I'm majoring in(economics) or with any other major. In fact, I want to return for higher education in the future when it is out of the genuine interest to learn rather than external pressure. Secondly, I've chalked up horrible experiences over the last 2 years that strongly depolarizes me from going back. Dragging myself out of bed, skipping classes, daydreaming and feeling numbed in the middle of classes, feeling awkward when I explain to my driven friends how I really feel about college. A state of chaotic funk. I'm sure for those who have been there know exactly what I'm taking about. Moreover, the fear of falling into the same depressive slump scares me A LOT.
Since then, I've dragged myself out of that mud and forge ahead with the goals that resonate with me. Now, I realize that I can achieve my dreams and goals even if I don't go back to college. For me, it's all about following your heart, being persistent and dilligent. I'm progressing well, but I've yet to reach the summit. I know that I"m a different person from the time I left college and I"m afraid that going back to the old enviornment would make me feel dead all over and zap my motivation. It is as if I have to put in my same work ethic to college or i'll be betraying my values of achievement.
I"m trying my best to look on the positive side if I should go back. For example, college as a backup plan for further education or a certificate towards a better paying job. As much as I try to reason, none of these answers really resonate and inspires me.
So why did I go to college in the first place? Parental Pressure, Everyone is doing it, Job Prospects, and the "I Didn't know what I want to do with my life" excuse.
I guess that is all in the past and I now want to evaluate my true motivations for going back this time.
Can anyone provide some insights that will guide me to answer the questions myself?
The clock is ticking with 2 months to make a decision and I feel the screw turning deeper with each passing day.
Sorry for the terribly long post. Thanks to all who bothered reading. Any advice is appreciated.
