I just want to say that I felt that way about sex too. I would get very defensive if I felt like a man was trying to go faster than I wanted in the physical intimacy arena. I didn't want anyone to rush me. The thought that I was saving myself for that special someone while he was most likely bonking as many girls as possible was painful to me.
My circumstance was different because I was in college and surrounded by eligible bachelors. I decided I just wanted to date as many guys as possible, only short-term relationships. Ironically, as soon as I decided that I met the man I ended up marrying, and he was a virgin too, and very respectful and loving through the whole intimacy experience.
This guy does NOT sound right for you. If the relationship is painful, run as fast as you can and don't look back. When you find the right one, you will feel like you are floating on a cloud... at least at first... You need to find a man that treats you like a queen.
The fingering your undies thing creeps me out. I knew a guy in middle school who would feel up my leg during geometry class... and then never talk to me outside of class or even mention what he had done. It made me feel so uncomfortable and powerless because once I had let him get away with it once, I felt I could never stop him again. Just remember that because you do something once does NOT give another person unlimited access to the activity and you CAN change your mind.
About the daze, I have never heard of this happening. Is it possible you were drugged? I do have a friend that was given GHB once at a bar. Is there even the slightest possibility he could have slipped something in your drink or anything like that?
You say that there are few eligible males near you. Is there anything you could do to change this? I majored in electrical engineering both because it interested me and because of the 4:1 male/female ratio. My cousin, when deciding where to apply for jobs, researched the best cities for older singles. If you are abstaining for religious reasons, you could try an internet dating board that targets your religious group...
Jessica met her husband on one of those. Steve and Erin met online. I'm just saying that if creating a relationship is important to you, there must be something you can do to increase your odds of meeting the right guy.
If there is any way of contacting the one you love, you should get that done and find out where you stand. If you are going to have a long distance relationship, you should at least get a commitment from him. If there is no
mutual commitment, then you should be free to explore intimacy with others.
Finally, it sounds like you need some friends! Is there anything you can do to expand your social circle? I'm a bit of an introvert and have a hard time getting close to people, but I generally feel better when I am meeting with small groups of people on a semi-regular basis.
I believe that you are going through this experience to learn something about yourself, so don't be too hard on yourself if you make mistakes, pay attention to what you like and what you don't like, and follow your heart. We'll all be rooting for you.