 How can I go on?
I learned yesterday that the CEO of the place I worked at 4 years ago is moving on to a new position at double his salary. That's somewhere around the neighborhood of $700k. This is the same guy who paid for his kids christmas presents on the corporate Amex card, had an affair with a VP, and engaged in other activities sufficient to warrant the OIG and FBI's interest. I also learned that the guy who replaced my friend at my last job moved on to a postion earning $120k + bonus. My friend was only at $80, as was I. This guy only got the job because his neighbor was friends with a member of the board of directors. The guy who replaced me at the first place came on board with a 50% higher salary than me. He is now a VP. His previous job he was terminated under suspicion of fraud.
Me? I am off to deposit the rent check from my friend who lives upstairs in my two family house so that I don't bounce my mortgage payment. I make $85k and sweat for every penny of it. I still have to rent out my home so I can send my kids to school, but I will not be able to send them to the school I want to next year so they will have to go to public school and I am ashamed and embarrassed that I could not do better for them.
I feel like I have done what I was supposed to do to get ahead in life and it just hasn't happened. I didn't cut class in high school. I didn't drink and get high in college. I graduated Magna Cum Laude and then I went for my MBA and I got the highest GMAT in the history of the program and graduated in the top 20% of my class. I gave up my weekends and vacation for two years to get this piece of paper and it hasn't helped me one bit. It was one of the top 25 business schools in the country, too. I accomplished this despite my aspergers syndrome. I've done all I can and I'm out of gas. I just can't do any more and I just can't take it anymore. It seems that I try and try and try and the little I succeed I can't enjoy in the face of the success of others who have done the wrong things. I've played fair and I've failed and I'm constantly faced with the success of the greedy others who have bent and broken the rules and used privilege and connections to get ahead.
I don't even care that anyone here may recognize my name because what I say is the truth and it's what I know and feel deep down. I feel so let down.  |