You know, I had this feeling all along. I knew that it was just a stage, but I started to feel a little bit discouraged and was afraid to fall into the same pattern again. And another thing - I was always looking for other people's approval, sometimes in my life I kept uninteresting or meaningless relationships going because I wanted to feel needed and appreciated. Plus, I tried to make as many friends as possible (weird, isn't it?). And if my phone was ringing all night long and I was talking on the phone with my buddies for hours I used to complain about it but felt satisfied in the bottom of my heart.
And it was the FIRST thing I realized after I'd started this practice. Now I am having fewer and fewer people calling me but it doesn't seem to bother me deep down. And its strange for me too. Before, it would just ruin my mood.
And it feels now like my first goal is to become more inner independent from people, money, circumstances of my life . But the part of me is afraid that if it happens I will be all alone, in bad circumstances but in a happy state of mind.
)) Because for me it has always been: the more you care, the more you give, the more you WORRY- the more you get. Now it seems to change.
I hope I didn't confuse you too much.