http://home.earthlink.net/~grharmon/I_Am_That.pdf
I have not read any posts in this thread except the original.
This book has been the high water mark in my spiritual journey; I realize that it may not resonate with you at this point; but I believe when it does: you will have happiness through peace. The suffering we create for ourselves (and others) is tied to our attachments (things, ideas, people). When attachments are dropped: we can go anywhere and do anything and have peace. We are peaceful just to be; the external aspects become irrelevant. I have learned the downside of attachments the hard way. I wish you protection from suffering.