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Originally Posted by lifequest  But I just don't care really to put effort into "looking great", because I'm not looking for someone that's with because of the way I look, but because of who I am. |
Hi, Lifequest. You sound like a real catch, and there are a boatload of men who would be a perfect match for you.
I would just like to point out that "looking great" mostly means looking like you take good care of yourself. That's a very attractive trait in both sexes. Don't forget that most men are pretty visual, so they'll take in a lot of information consciously and subconsciously just by their first look at you. That doesn't have to mean that someone is with you because of the way you look rather than because of who you are, but it is helpful to them to give them the signal that you love yourself and love your life -- by taking good care of the part they can see.
I believe that when you keep yourself cared for and find packaging that suits you, including how you wear your hair and how you carry yourself, it sends a bright signal to men's brains that you are worth caring for. I agree that you don't necessarily have to wear a certain kind of clothing to do that, as long as it is clean, fits you well, and is flattering. (plus, you just tend to feel better when you're wearing clothes like that, and it tends to show in your countenance and your stance.)
But it also sounds like you've got some ambivalence -- you want to attract the right man, but you are looking for an exit sign before he even shows up. I can relate; I had to investigate and surrender my compulsive exit-search before I was ready for my wonderful relationship with Danger Man. It may not easy, but until you you're ready to be genuinely welcoming, without reservation, there will always be that unease, that foot halfway out the door thing going on.
Is it worth it to you to look at the source of your ambivalence and to see if its power over you can be dismantled? If it is, I would recommend making that my first priority, even before shopping (
). If it's not, maybe you are rushing yourself into getting into a relationship because you think you ought to.
Take a look, why doncha.
Love,
Angela