Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeFirst  Hmm....given my situation....maybe you can give my some advice on how to be in a relationship with someone? You think it's possible? For a struggling college student trying to be improve his Life, but struggling at that part too? Don't say I don't have social skills, because if by "social skills" talking to a woman yeah I know how to do that. |
Ok. I assume that "my situation" means what I've quoted.
Step zero is to check, whether you agree with me at all. We are on a forum and share our humble opinions. I'm sharing mine, based on my values. Your values may be different. I base mine on the fact that I've met many middle-aged people who regret spending too much time on career and not enough time on relationships. I've never met a person, who regreted spending too much time building relationships and too little on career. I did however meet people who have regretted spending to much time on promiscuous sex, booze, parties, video games, drugs, you-name-it, and not becoming the people they could have, but I think it is a slightly different story.
Now. From your quote I get that you divide improving your life and being in a relationship. The first step would be to start perceiving relationship building as part of your life.
Then, take a sharp turn and split your life in areas. Academics, Health (Fitness, Sports, etc.), Social, Recreation or something like that. The parts of your life can be different. There can be more of fewer than what I'm suggesting.
Then you can evaluate how much time you dedicate to each area of you life now. It can be a percentage and can be represented with a pie chart.
Then identify the ratios that you'd like to see. I'm not saying that all parts must be equal, although it is a good starting point. All important areas of you life should all have non-zero, or better "practical minimum" values. "Practical minimum" is a smallest value that is required for an area to be effective. There is no point to dedicate just 1% of your time to academics, similarly, there is no point to dedicate just 1% of your time to building relationships.
By the way, at this point you may realize how much there is in your life and how little time can be dedicated to each activity. Probably that's what you are experiencing right now. And while trying to focus on some areas of the life you may be forgetting some strategically important areas of your life.
After you've balanced your life on paper, it is time to balance it for real. Take the hours you've allocated to each area of the life and spend them improving that area.
You probably already know how to improve academics. I'll suggest how to improve relationships.
You write that you know how to talk to girls. That's a great start. Start talking with a girl you'd like to date. I hope there is one? If not... well, try to understand what attracts you in girls. What do you like about them, what you don't. Which one you'd like to be with, not just have sex. I suppose the girl would be someone you see from time to time around you. Go talk to her. Find pretext. Be interested, it shouldn't be hard if you like a person. Find out about her. Talk about what is interesting to her and preferably to you, about your common interests. At the same time, talk to other girls near you. Try to be friendly. I notice that usually guys don't talk to the girls that they are not interested in and too shy to talk to the girl they are interested in. Which makes things hard.
Be nice with all girls around you. Try to see, that there really aren't girls who are not smart, beautiful, charming in their own way. Be a gentleman. This will both build your confidence and improve status with other girls
There is a peculiar phenomenon. People, both men and women, somehow are more interested in a person, who is interesting to other people. My friend who was very skilled with women used to go to "charity dates" with the ugliest and most unpopular girls at school. He could (and did) date the most popular girls, but once in a while he would approach one of the girls no one looked at. He would flirt with them, date with them and did it very publicly. After some time he would make some mistake, like become a friend to that girl or would gracefully end the relationship. But in the end, the girl would have improved her self-esteem and the guys around would suddenly start to perceive her as a possible candidate for a date. Usually, within couple of days such girl would have a boyfriend.
Similarly, the guys who are seen chatting with lot's of different girls, do attract attention and interest from other girls.
Sooner or later, you will find the girl you would like to be with and the feeling is mutual. That is the start of the relationship. You date regularly, you do nice things to her, you become romantic. At some point you become intimate. Everyday you try to add something to a relationship, to make the life of your partner better. There are no solutions at this point. Just the lifetime of learning. That is why I think it should start earlier.
From the time management point, you explain to you girlfriend that you have other commitments in life: to study, and other areas of your life. And that you have a limited time to spend with her. And if you genuinely try to make the most of the time you have alloted, she would understand.
I'm not sure, if my answers are useful or even if I understood the question right, LifeFirst. Then ask more and I will be glad to answer as much as my patchy knowledge of life will allow me.