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Originally Posted by uberinquisitive  May I offer you a female perspective?
I have often pulled what your gf is pulling. One time, my bf was 30 minutes late for a concert, and I cried. I mean, the main act hadn't even gone on stage yet (and I didn't even like the opening act), and I told him he had ruined my night.
Yes, I do it because I'm needy and insecure. But, underneath it all, I do it because I haven't learned there is a better way. I know it may make absolutely no sense to a guy - but many girls don't know a better alternative. Our neediness makes the guy withdraw, and then we become even more needy. It's a vicious cycle of total miscommunication.
I'm assuming that your gf has a couple of redeeming qualities. She's just not self-aware enough to realize that her behavior is awful. I suggest the following:
- Ask her to put together a fun day of activities. Something besides just hanging out in the house. Tell her that next week, you'll plan the activities. And then just cycle off.
- Sit her down, hug her, and tell her, "I realize you feel really alone when I go out with my guys. So, on those days, why don't you also schedule time with your female friends? We'll make it a mutual "friends only" day."
- What sort of hobbies does she like? Tell her you think it's very attractive when she's busy and passionate about something. Suggest she take a class or something. Women actually enjoy being "mothered" like this. It makes them feel loved.
I know this sounds like a lot of work...but it's easier to make an existing relationship better, than to start a new relationship (which will probably be the same animal, just a different color). |
Good post. Women really would do better if they could just understand that for a lot of us guys, needy or irrationally insecure behaviour is SCARY. Ideally, in a relationship, I want a girl who loves being with me and would generally elect to spend her free time doing just that, but not one who NEEDS to or feels like something's wrong, can't concentrate on anything, etc.
Another thing I've learned from experience (and I have plenty to go, I'm only 25) is that no matter how much fun it can be, relationships can also be WORK. Again, I do not ever want to get married, I cannot clarify this enough, and I think this realization is partly why.
It requires a hell of a lot of thinking for most men if they want to figure out WHY their woman has apparently gone insane with something or another (the situation you described is perfect- breaking into tears or becoming angry over something that the man sees as silly or irrational, or just flat out over the top/exaggerated- you may feel justified, but to us men it really does appear that you've lost you mind). What most women (again I do not say "all") don't seem to understand is that, when they call their man and start crying about some unrequited situation that logically seems to have an obvious, direct way to fix, our initial thought is usually something like "Why the hell are you complaining on and on about this? Shut up and go fix it!". This is what we'd say to our male friends, and also what our Dad's, or any other masculine father figure, maybe an older brother, have likely said to us at some point in our lives (I got quite a few memorable one-liners from my dad during my headstrong, angry teen years).
Don't get me wrong, I love feminine women and their quirks, however too much of this too often will probably drive any man far away due to it just being too much to handle.
*I probably went off topic here- if so, please excuse my caffeine induced raving
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