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Originally Posted by ProjectX  Today just realized I might need to get some oral surgery done for my jaw problem. A problem added to an already long list of problems.
I just booked for an appointment with the school counselor today. I don't know if it will help me much. I don't know what to say. I know I'm going to say that I'm failing classes but thats about it. I still have the lingering thought at the back of my head of how much I want to go back and change everything even though I know the past is the past. So I try to look at the present and future and see where I want to be but then I look at my current circumstance and then I feel even more miserable. I wonder how much longer do I have to endure this, 3 years? 5 years? 10 years? Forever?
I know I should avoid this "woe is me" attitude. I know there are many other people who had to go through worse, sexual abuse, children with leukemia, starvation. But those things are somewhat tangible and people are more understanding. Right now I feel like I can't quite grasp what happened, and why .I feel as if there is no one who gets it, and never will and what I'm going through is too personal to visualize in words. No one to relate to. The only way to understand is go through what i go through. I feel like the black sheep in a world of white.
Like I said, its as if I can now never reach my full potential of what I could have been because its too late. I keep getting the thoughts of what could have been and what could be.
But you know what really ticks me off? Is not the fact that my current circumstances are bad. Its the fact that all this could have been prevented so easily. And I'm pissed off that I was kept ignorant of these solutions. I was was always treated as child by my parents and never taken seriously.
Theres still alot of envy inside me as well.
So basically thats it. theres alot more i want to say but there are all cluttered in my head and I need time to figure out |
We can all type until our fingers fall off, but until you make the choice, consciously decide that you want to change, and take full responsibility for your situation...nothing is going to change. None of this advice will help you and you will be unable to implement any of it until you do.