[Ilya]

Originally Posted by Marvinq

Ilya,

I apologize I didn't mean to offend.

I'm not offended at all, sorry if I gave you this impression.

What I mean is in a sense, it seems people believe that once they get a boyfriend/girlfriend they will be instantly happy.

I see what you mean. In a sense it is not far from truth. If one is in love and this love is answered... well you can say it is very close to happiness. The brain is bathing in some whacky chemicals at that time

But, I feel that you shouldn't be in a relationship until you really feel you can devote time into it long term. IMO, Working and studying through college just isn't a good time for it.

Ok, that is what I disagree with. Even if you study your butt off, college is still one of the freest times in the life of a common western man. There is a lot of flexibility and there is a huge margin for error. After college, there usually comes mind-numbing job or not so mind-numbing, but still time-consuming business. Besides, when you are out of college it is time, when most people who get to college start to struggle for life for the first time - even if just in a form of paying their own bills. And it takes a lot of adjustment. Time after college may be tough. And learning how to build relationships can be tough. And when two tough things collide, it is easy to put one off for later, isn't it. And it usually not the bills paying that is being put off. It's best to start learning about relationships when it is made easier by the college environment. There is time, there is plenty of girls to socialize with and there are very few obstacles for that really. I didn't realize that until out of college, but the adults sometimes have to go to certain places just to meet women, who are not their colleagues, not total strangers, etc. It is unbelievable, how easy it is to get acquainted with girls and new people in general while in college.

So, my opinion, is that it is an illusion that it gets easier to build relationships when out of college. And college is the great place to start learning how to balance - love and study. It is a place where mistakes can be made in both areas and they can be easily fixed.

IMO, I really believe at least in the college years, that students place too much emphasis on having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Almost just for the sake of having one.

That is true. It can take ugly forms. But the underlying belief that one should have a significant other is healthy. And to find your match takes some experiments. Some learning.

Without really knowing the time, effort and commitment it takes to maintain a healthy happy relationship. You can always turn off a game. You can't turn off a girlfriend or relationship. Unless you just break things off.

But there is no other way to know the necessary time, effort and commitment, you need to try it. You can't look it up in a book. Well you can, but you wouldn't believe it And yes, first relationships do fail sometimes. This is expected. The good thing, is that these ones are unlikely to be the relationships with the "only one". Exactly because we are inexperienced and tend to choose wrong people for wrong reasons.

And if parents are paying for a their kids education or even if the kid is paying for it himself, are you telling me that kid should focus on getting a significant other over his studies? There are people fighting just to get into college. You don't get into a great college to get an advanced education and focus on getting a girlfriend over your career/studies.

No, I'm saying that you can do both. That was my advice to the topic starter. Otherwise your logic will carry you this far:
"The person's parents or he himself has got him great education. It would be a waste if it doesn't result in a brilliant career. Are you telling me that kid should focus on getting a significant other over his career? There are people fighting just to get such a good job. You don't get into great job to start a great career and focus on getting a girlfriend over your career".

Oh, you actually mentioned the career yourself. Then tell me, when does this logic stops to work? When you are out of the college? I don't think so. When you've reached a certain position in a company? When you earn a certain amount of money? When you are 40? When you are having your first heart attack? When do you wake up and decide that now is indeed the time to focus on finding a girlfriend?

If you can answer that, it'll be interesting to listen. But I just think that this is a faulty logic. The purpose of our life is never to have a certain career. But having a partner is usually a part of our purpose. So whatever money someone's parents pay for his education it is not the reason to avoid building relationships.

Relationships take time, relationships can be full of drama and it's not always happy. Yeah, balancing this, that and the other thing sounds nice. But is it fair to start a relationship when you don't have enough time to devote to it? I really feel when you decide to enter into a relationship you better be able to put in the time, effort and commitment that person deserves and not half*ss it.

I've wrote it before. If one can't find the time for love in college, one won't find the time for it later. Not because there is no time. Simply because one doesn't know how to and should start learning. As soon as possible.

And that it's ok to not be with someone. There's nothing wrong with it.

If that's what you believe that is your choice. I choose to believe that it is definitely not ok.

Especially if you're in a college university working on the beginnings of your career.

And I choose to strongly believe that this is a worst reason not to be with someone.

That's my .02 cents. I didn't mean for my point to come out that way, I didn't mean to offend you and I apologize if I did.

Again, I'm not offended in any way. I just disagree with you.